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Understanding Infantilism (.org)

After questioning what and why, the third question is often "Is it normal", "Is it Christian", or more generally,

Is Being an Adult Baby/Diaper Lover OK?

By B. Terrance Grey

Sections: Acceptance of Self - Acceptance from God - Acceptance by Others

...like a square peg on a board of round  holes.

Perhaps the greatest need for Adult Babies and/or Diaper Lovers (ABDLs) is that of acceptance. An ABDL may spend years or decades learning to accept him or herself.  He (or less often, she) may conceal these desires from family, friends, wife, and church, because of the fear of rejection.  Like the square peg, ABDLs don't fit in.

They are up against a cultural bias. This bias is so ingrained that it has become invisible. Square pegs won't fit in round holes, but why do we presume that this is the peg's fault? Why is it the peg's fault for being square, and not the hole's fault for being round? This partially is because 'normal' has strayed from its mathematical definition: Being 'abnormal' is often presumed to be bad.

To complicate matters, the distinction between what a person is and what a person does is blurred. They are intertwined, but they are not the same. Even if an ABDL finds his infantilism or diaper fetish unacceptable, he needs to be able to accept himself. Our culture has few precedents of this, and so it is difficult. The difficulty of being different is one reason why so many try to be the same. However unfair it may be, it is the ABDL who has to deal with acceptability.

Finding acceptance has become easier with the growth of the Internet and the development of the AB/DL community. These helped in two ways. First, they reduced the level of marginalization: Before, many AB/DLs were isolated individuals. After, they were still a small minority, but no longer alone. Second, more and better information became available. Since people tend to fear the unknown, this broader understanding helped develop acceptance.

Still, accepting one's self and finding acceptance from others might be difficult.

Acceptance of Self

Accepting either your desires or yourself it the first and most import battle. Otherwise, the self-rejection might cause depression, binge-purge cycles, or other negative effects. You may also unconsciously broadcast this rejection: Friends and loved ones might not know what you are hiding, but only know that you are hiding something bad.

If you are having difficulty accepting your own infantilism or diaper fetish, you've probably tried to resist the desires and failed. While some ABDLs explored it as a kink, those with infantilism or diaper fetishes have conditions deriving those specific desires. These generally won't go away. It is best to take some time and thoroughly develop and question your views: Why might your desires be unacceptable for you? It might help to break this question down into many more specific ones, as in this questionnaire. This evaluation should cover both the desires themselves and ABDL practices that you might engage in. As these conclusions will affect the rest of your life, take your time and revisit them if necessary. Be ready to reject presumptions. Based on these results, work out a realistic management strategy: Set goals and a path of reconciliation. The goals should be carefully determined, and not overly optimistic or idealistic. Avoid doing anything rash, extreme, or permanent. They also must include a way to recover and get back on track.

Through and after this process, accept yourself. Either accept your desires or accept that you are responsibly managing desires that you can't change.

Acceptance from God

The evaluation of infantilism or diaper fetishes should include all facets, including the spiritual and social. As 91-99% of ABDLs were raised in predominately Christian regionsSTATS, acceptance from God is often a concern. God loves us, and knows we aren't perfect.   However, we should still carefully evaluate the morality of infantilism.  While there are some Biblical references that can be applied, Christian morality is not black-and-white on this issue.

A blanket statement either way has dire risks. Simply concluding that it is sinful will force many to stand against their infantilism or diaper fetishes. This is a terrible burden, and many Churches are ill-equipped to help. God is able to do all things, certainly, but we don't jump off bridges just so He can catch us (Matthew 4:5-7). We must be sure of our reasons and convictions. The alternative would be to say these desires are not sinful. The danger here is that a blanket moral statement - leveraged by an unsatisfied hunger - might drive people to act against their convictions. Acting against one's convictions is always a sin ( 1 Corinthians 8:7, 10:25-29 , Romans 14:14 ). There are dire risks either way. Each of us must draw our own conclusion about the matter.

Making peace with God might be an ongoing process. However, God's love and acceptance aren't at stake. They are a gift, delivered in Jesus Christ.

Acceptance by Others

...like a square peg on a board of round  holes.

Having addressed the peg, the AB/DL, now we consider the holes. Generally, the impact upon others should have be considered when evaluating acceptance of one's self. However, there are some specific adaptations that might be necessary. Be careful about who you come out to, and avoid imposing on others inappropriately. For example, young ABDLs still living with their parents might need to limit and hide their activities. They should consider telling their parents, and prepare to tell them anyway: Getting caught is generally a bad way to come out. When dating, it is generally considered best to discuss being an ABDL before marriage, but not too early. After marriage, it is often necessary to limit and hide ABDL activities while children are in the house.

While some parents, friends, and spouses will be accepting and supportive, others won't be supportive or even unwilling to accept it. Each person needs to find -or make- a place where he fits in. Every person can be accepted, although some need to seek it harder than others.

- Updated:28 Oct 2014  1st:8 Nov 2001     

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