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Understanding Infantilism (.org)

Things I Wish I Did Ten Years Ago

By BitterGrey

I was remembering an action movie when something occurred to me: I'd seen lots of heroes tortured in lots of ways in movies, but couldn't recall seeing one crack, ever. If torture never worked, people would stop doing it, right? But these were heroes, embodiments of our hopes and ideals. Those action heroes weren't real people - real people crack sometimes, real people fall short. We should continue to hope and chase ideals, but we must be careful not to confuse these with reality.

Where is all this going? None of these heroes wore diapers, right? (Well, there was Sylvester Stallone in "Stop or my Mom will Shoot!"... ) Simply put, the following are hopes and ideals. Some I fall short of, some I have yet to complete. The one thing that they all have in common is that I still haven't finished them, and wish I had started trying ten years ago.


A) Avoid doing things that are rash, extreme, or permanent. Repeatedly, I came 'this close' to severing some body parts that most hold dear. Fortunately, I didn't. However, I have done enough rash things to know that they are usually regretted in time. It gets still sadder if those things cannot be undone. This may include putting one's self under the knife, in subjection to an unrealistically strict law, or exposed to unnecessary ridicule.

B) Find a pastor, elder or contact; someone who could be trusted with a secret like this. They probably won't know the first thing about infantilism, but he would be there and be willing to listen. (If not, a new pastor is in order.) Hopefully, he could be close enough so that he could offer an objectivity and an accountability.

Exchanging E-mail with older infantilists (or any infantilist, in fact) was also useful. It gave me a chance to get some thing off my chest, and to some extent, avoid repeating another's mistake. In addition, they became some of my best friends, even though I don't know what many of them look like. Of course, these people had a bias (most of them are active infantilists), which balances out the bias that the pastor has (most of them are conservative). E-mail contacts can offer advice and insight, but there is a physical separation.

C) Evaluate infantilism thoroughly, objectively, and realistically. Initial impressions about what is morally right have value, but they may benefit from a more detailed consideration. My first impression was that I was different from everyone, a pervert. Infantilism was how I was different, my perversion, and so must be opposed at all costs. It took years of study to gain the doctrinal foundation to question this prejudice. It then took a few months to actually ask the questions. After all, it isn't something that should be rushed.

In hindsight, it is clear that this evaluation should progress through three phases. The first stage was to research infantilism, especially my own infantilism (they aren't all alike.) Here, its nature and motives are explored, to learn what it is, and what it is to me. Discussions with pastors, girlfriends, and parents may be useful, but they will have more questions than insight. Note that this goes against point A, exposure to ridicule. As a result, only heroes will get it right, but we can't use this as an excuse not to try. The results of this research were a tool for applying Biblical Law to infantilism, which gave rise to a rough checklist/questionnaire, and notes on all the relevant Biblical references I know of.

The second stage is where all the observations combine into a final conclusion. Some people see infantilism as a perversion, which must not be practiced. This is their belief, and they must live with its consequences. Others see it as a simple character trait, no more sinful than eating pork. This is their belief, and they must live with its consequences. Whichever, this conclusion should include the what's and the ways. It may be simple or detailed, but must be a personal conviction, not anyone else's. It must be like the guard rails on the side of the highway; neither obstructing nor permissive, perhaps not permanent but strong enough to hold up. (My results are not online.)

The third stage is to live out this conclusion. This is always harder than it seems. It would help to have friends , pastors, etc., offer moral support and accountability.

This leads to the fourth stage, revision. Without precedent or example, stages one, two, an three probably wouldn't have been done right the first time. (Or, perhaps, the second.) Some amount of rework is to be expected.

D) Set a path of reconciliation. We all fall off the horse sometimes. Getting back on is easier if a path has been planned ahead of time. This may include a number of things, from confession in the Christian sense to ways of showing your wife that you don't love diapers more than her.

- Updated:30 March 2011     

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