-by BitterGrey
Clearly, there is no standard set of ABDL practices. Some activities will appeal more to adult babies and some more to diaper lovers, while still other activities appeal more to those who are both. However, there are a few activities that are common enough to be worth mentioning. These include wearing diapers, meeting or coming out to others, and roleplay.
While not every ABDL wears diapers, most have some interest in them.
For about one ABDL in two, the urge to wear diapers is specific to a particular type of diaper 
.
On average, this will be type of diaper that was common when the ABDL was around five years old[1]. This usually ends up being the type that the ABDL was raised in. Diapers of another type might be worn for practical reasons, but wouldn't stir the same urge.
One factor in the cloth vs. disposable decision is that unlike those with incontinence, ABDLs often wear intermittently. An ABDL using cloth diapers would still need to maintain a diaper pail, unless he learned the art of using cloth diapers without a pail.
When wearing diapers, wetting diapers is common. Of those who wear diapers, only ABDL in ten doesn't enjoy urinating in them . He might find it impractical, gross, or simply not enjoyable. An ABDL might have difficulty wetting his diaper when he wants to, and have to retrain a 'shy bladder.' With practice, ABDLs might also be able to develop easier, more frequent, and less intentional wetting when wearing diapers only.
Adult diaper wearers are more prone to leak than babies are. This is because of differences in surface area ratios, the curvature of the gathers, and the shear loads. These result in the need for multiple pairs of tapes on adult diapers. Men will also need to be careful of penis position, since this also affects the tendency to leak.
About three in ten ABDLs enjoy defecating (or soiling, messing) in them, with another two in ten enjoying it sometimes . Soiling involves more cleanup, and is more difficult to discretely do in public. Even at private ABDL parties, messing is often discouraged because of the odor. An ABDL might use chlorophyll
or
Nullo® a few days beforehand to reduce the odor. The feeling of a messy diaper can be simulated with less odor by "diaper stuffing" with bananas or oatmeal.
Surprisingly, an ABDL who is equally adult baby and diaper lover is more likely to be interested in messing than one who is only an adult baby.[2]
A common compromise between wanting to wear diapers and needing to go about daily life is to wear diapers under normal clothing. When adult babies do this, they would do so in their everyday mindset, as opposed to an infantile one. An ABDL needs to pay more attention to how detectable his diaper is than he would need to if he was wearing it for medical reasons. This is especially true if wearing diapers at home around family, or at work. He may need to maintain a level of stealth. In other circumstances, the ABDL might be OK being simply discrete, so that it isn't obvious that he is diapered. Unlike family and coworkers, if a passerby on the street that noticed the diaper, he or she would probably dismiss them as medically necessary.
A common desire among adult babies is to wear diapers all the time. However, the enjoyment of actually wearing diapers 24/7 varies. Some enjoy wearing diapers all the time, while others find wearing them intermittently more enjoyable and/or more practical. ABDLs should consider the pros, cons, and options when deciding how often to wear diapers. Analogous to eating when hungry, ABDLs should want to wear diapers more, unless they are already wearing more than optimal.
While there is substantial variation between individuals, using diapers all the time may reduce urinary control. Some ABDLs actively seek to loose urinary control through hypnosis or behavioral untraining methods. A few ABDLs also wish to soil themselves uncontrollably, but more try to simulate uncontrollable messing using laxatives..
An ABDL might shave his pubic hair or entire diaper area. Diaper-area hair removal might aid in feeling babyish, and makes cleanup easier during diaper changes.
A difficult choice that an ABDL must face is who to tell about his interests. This offers the possibility of being accepted for who he is, and not having to hide. However, it also includes the risk of disgrace at home, school, and work. While this is generally not the first practice to be engaged in, the ABDL needs to consider this before other practices, because all practices include the risk of being discovered. Definitely, this decision must be considered carefully. There are some questions to consider before coming out.
This decision is more complicated for ABDL parents who must choose what to tell the children, and when. (The same author, Stormbird, also offers parent-to-parent advice for the opposite situation, parents with an ABDL child.
There are many ways for ABDLs to meet each other. Over the internet, there are a number of IRC channels, with varying levels of activity. There are a number of online forums, such as
ADISC
, Aby.com, and DailyDiapers.
There are also email-based groups, such as Big Babies, Infantilists, and Friends (BBIF), which also has some regional chapters. Many larger cities have ABDL lunch or dinner meetings at restaurants, called munches. These cities may also have house parties or other gatherings. BabyMichael has written about how to start a munch for those who don't live near an active ABDL group.
The ABDLs in the furry fandom, called
babyfurs
are particularly well-connected. They have gathering places on online games, such as
the nurseries of FurryMUCK, as well as at the larger furry conventions.
A difficult part of life as an ABDL is finding a compatible spouse. For diaper lovers, the search is difficult because there are few diaper lovers in the general population. For adult babies, the search is harder still because there is no clear counterpart. That is, while there is a set of urges driving some adults to be babied, there isn't a matching set of urges driving others to baby adults. In contrast, a masochist can find happiness with a sadist, for example. Some ABDLs are willing to be 'switch' mommies or daddies, either taking turns as the baby, or tending to 'baby' while wearing diapers under their own clothing. Nonetheless, the high demand for female ABDLs causes some to be secretive to avoid being overwhelmed by those looking for mommies. Female ABDLs are not necessarily willing to be mommies; few if any prefer caregiver roles, such as sitter or mommy. [3] Typically, an ABDL will need to find a partner from the general population that is sufficiently maternal, paternal, or open-minded.
ABDLs should discuss their interests with their spouse before the marriage.
Some ABDLs with mommies explore breastfeeding. It is possible for women to lactate without having been pregnant, but starting and maintaining the flow of milk might be difficult.
For diaper lovers, there are prostitutes open-minded enough for diapers. For adult babies, there are professional 'adult babysitters.'
Roleplay involves assuming different roles as part of a scene. One archetypal ABDL scene involves a male ABDL assuming the role of a baby, and a woman assuming the role of mommy. Two out of ten ABDLs roleplayed frequently, with another five of ten roleplaying sometimes
. The most commonly preferred role was that of a toddler, as opposed to newborn baby, older child, etc.
Roleplay might involve diapers, toys, and clothing. Adult babies often wear other articles of adult-sized baby clothing as well as diapers. A smaller number might invest in furniture, etc. Similar to the costume and props used in theater, they serve to express and enforce the role. ABDL roleplay is analogous to sadomasochistic roleplay, with differences in content, tone, and terminology.
While roleplaying, some adult babies also try to regress. That is, in addition to dressing and acting like a baby, they try to think like a baby as well. Some adult babies are not that particularly about accurately embodying a specific age, but others are particular. For them a developmental milestones chart is useful.
In addition to the activities an ABDL might enjoy, there are some others that might develop.
Some younger ABDLs suffer a destructive binge-purge cycle. Similar to food-related binge-purge cycles, this involves oscillating between an unmoderated desire to quit immediately, and the pent up urge to take ABDL to excesses.
As in everything else, the newness and novelty of specific ABDL practices eventually wears off. This habituation is why movies that we've seen many times don't seem as intense, and why movies are becoming more violent over time. Some ABDLs are stable and continue doing what they have been doing, at about the same frequency. Others will try new things to maintain the novelty. These new practices are usually more elaborate and extreme. This pursuit continues until stability is reached, or some other factor limits the escalation.
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