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The ABDL Binge and Purge Cycle

By BitterGrey

It is common for an ABDL's level of desire to vary cyclically over time. This shouldn't be confused with transients in the level of practice among ABDLs, such as the "black hole effect"DEF and the adjustments or jumps of diaper economics.

Usually this stable ABDL cycle of desire is similar to the everyday cycle of getting hungry between meals. ABDLs may wear diapers at specific times that are compatible with their lifestyle, such as while relaxing on a Sunday afternoon. At other times, the desire to wear diapers would be steadily building up. During these times, ABDLs might enjoy looking forward to wearing diapers again. The frequency of this cycle varies, maybe daily or weekly. (Some ABDLs go a step further and wear 24/7DEF.) When regular and moderate, this cycle is stable and harmless.

It started with my first pack of Attends. I wore, wet, and swore I'd never do it again. I even drove a broadsword through the half-used box, just so I wouldn't go and retrieve it from the trash. That resolution lasted a couple months. The next bag was of Lucky's store brand. It didn't get finished off either, and I got rid of all my other baby stuff too. In later cycles, I lost some journals, a Lion King bedspread, and a number of other things. But of all the things I've lost, the years are what I miss the most; the years spent living with a damaged self-image.

However, some younger ABDLs suffer an irregular and immoderate cycle, the binge and purge cycle. It can spiral out of control, causing both needless expense and emotional damage. This behavior is not an inherent part of being an ABDL. Fortunately, with easier access to information over the Internet and support from the ABDL community, binge and purge cycles might become a thing of the past.

The binge and purge cycle

The binge-purge cycle

Stage 1, Building: Most ABDLs can't stop being ABDLs. If they don't act on their desires, the desires will slowly get stronger. They will build up like the pressure of water filling a dam. Resisting them will take more and more of the ABDL's energy. In a stable cycle, the ABDL will intentionally vent at selected times, relieving the pressure. Without this outlet, the desire would build up until some breaking point is reached. The ABDL's will is overcome, and he binges. The failure damages his self-worth and self-confidence, making him less able to resist. This creates a self-perpetuating cycle of failure.

Stage 2, Binge: The binge starts with a failure of the will. The ABDL who swore never to wear diapers again rushes out to get more diapers, etc. The inescapable desire is gratified, giving a desperate, massive rush of pleasure. This might amplify the binge even further. Instead of the specific and compatible activities, the dammed-up urges of an ABDL are released without moderation. For example, there might be a new and impulsive determination to go into diapers forever and become incontinent.

Stage 3, Venting: In a stable cycle, the ABDL will vent before the breaking point, in a controlled and moderate fashion. After a binge, the ABDL's desires are sated in the extreme. The desperate drive is replaced with a sudden void, setting the stage for the ABDL's over-correction; purging.

Stage 4, Purge: Guilt and negativity impose themselves in the massive wake left by the binge. The ABDL sees the binge as damaging and unrealistic, and purges. He might swear to quit forever, dispose of or destroy paraphernalia, delete accounts, end friendships, etc. The losses from previous purges may also be a source of guilt or shame, making later purges still more extreme.

After the purge, the desires start building again. As the emotional damage accumulates over multiple binge and purge cycles, a downward spiral occurs. Cycles get worse and worse.

Binge and purge cycles might each take a few months, with most of the time might be spent in building stage. The other stages might pass rapidly over hours or days.

The better solution: Skip the binge

If you are suffering from binge and purge cycles, your primary goal should be to bring the cycles under control by eliminating the binge and purge extremes. This should stop the damage and achieve a stable cycle.

Two elements are necessary for binge and purge cycles. The first is a driving desire. Desires strong enough to overpower the will and drive binge and purge cycles generally won't go away. Accept this. The second is a barrier precluding the healthy expression of that desire. Examine this barrier. Explore your beliefs about the acceptability of ABDL practices. Try to find an acceptable outlet.

Desires tend to be specific: The most direct way to vent a desire for diapers is with diapers. However, alternatives might be worth trying if necessary. For example, if environmental concerns preclude wearing disposables, try cloth diapers. (A cloth diaper that isn't wet or messy doesn't require special laundering.)

Once you find that outlet, skip the binge by controlled venting during the building stage. The building stage might last for a few months, so there is some time to work with. Look for ways to vent that won't trigger a binge. Let off pressure before the breaking point.

Also try to repair your self-image. You are learning about yourself and working to get things under control. Any reasonable person should accept that. You should accept yourself, irrespective of whether you can accept all of your desires.

Vent regularly - monthly, weekly, or maybe even daily. This regular venting results in the stable cycle. Desires will build, but not to the point of overpowering the will. You'll still want to wear diapers, but they'll be a manageable part of your life.

The other approach

If you can't find an acceptable way to vent your desires and so can't use the better solution, the situation will be more complex. This is one reason why it is important to carefully evaluate your beliefs. The other is that any ambiguity in your beliefs may oscillate between permissiveness during the binge and guilt during the purge. This amplifies the cycle, making it even less stable.

Seek an anchor. Consider getting help from a close friend, another ABDL, etc. In addition to moral support, they may be able to provide a second opinion that isn't affected by your binge and purge cycles. Professional help might be beneficial.

If possible, moderate the binge to be less explosive. This will reduce the impact of crashing into the purge stage. For example, consider ordering sample packs of diapers instead of cases. This adds a few days' delay compared to over-the-counter diapers. There may also be less to deal with at purge. (Avoid ordering anything custom. Off-the-shelf items are less expensive and will be more donatable later.) If possible, wear a diaper one night and resolve to wear another the next night instead of deciding to go 24/7. However possible, spread out the binge stage and make it less extreme. This might lead to more moderate purging.

The purging stage should also be delayed if at all possible. In particular, men experience a one-hour period just after ejaculation where they might be particularly prone to guilt or regret. (It is called the refractory period.) Delaying the purge by even one hour may help.

If possible, try to reduce the waste of the purge. This waste can have emotional as well as financial costs, and can make the next purge worse. If you can, pack away items by putting them in a taped-up box, buried under everything else in the closet. Alternatively, give things away to a thrift store or another ABDL instead of discarding or destroying them.

This approach will also involve an effort to repair your self image.

This other approach might help to moderate binge-purge cycles. However, a stable cycle might require some means of venting during the building stage (as in the better solution, above).

- Updated:23 July 2015     

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