Understanding Infantilism (.org)

AB/DL Survey #2 - Conditions

As with any population of over one thousand individuals, those responding to Survey #2 had a number of conditions in addition to an interest in diapers and/or babyhood. Later analysis will explore whether AB/DLs collectively are more or less likely than non-AB/DLs to have any particular condition. Individually, the one most ready to comment on the AB/DL's experience is the AB/DL himself (or herself).

46)How have the conditions [covered in previous questions] affected or been affected by your being an AB/DL? Do you have a relevant condition that isn't listed above?

• ADD,ADHD
• Asperger's Syndrome or Autism
• Bedwetting
• Bipolar Disorder
• Blindness or Impaired Vision
• Borderline Personality Disorder
• Depression
• Handedness
• Incontinence
• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
• Other Conditions
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
• Transsexualism, Crossdressing

ADD,ADHD

• I used to be a hyperactive child but I can not find any trace of how this could be related with my interest in diapers and baby stuff.
• Cant say the ADD/ADHD has affected my AB/DL stuff at all.
• I don't think they are related. I also think that ADHD is something that everyone is capable of and may be related to late onset of responsibility.
• I don't think so. It might have contributed to my late toilet training, but I can't be sure.
• I have never really thought of my ADD as being related to my interest in diapers
• I'm ADD, not ADHD. It wasn't an option [in the survey].
• I don't think having ADHD contributed to becoming a babyfur, but it may be able to help to get into that mindset, since children tend to be more active and distractable than adults, and that is a big part of ADHD.

Asperger's Syndrome or Autism

• I think that Asperger's is perhaps related to a predisposition to fetishism, but otherwise is relatively unrelated.
• I believe that my AB/DL desires developed at the same time as my asperger's, and I think that they are somehow related.
• I am totally blind due to Septooptic Dysplasia, which most doctors haven't heard of. (I am quite proud to be a blind Aspie.) The things that influenced my diaper fetish mostly involved my difficulty potty training and almost constant bedwetting. This was only stopped when I was diagnosed with diabetes insipidus at age 8. (Diabetes insipidus does not involve insulin. It involves the lack of ADH (Antidiuretic Hormone) for one reason or another. I have no pituitary gland, so that explains that.
• Autism caused sensory problems though it did not cause my incontinence.

Bedwetting

• I had bed wetting problems until I was about in the 4th grade. Because of this, my parents would occasionally get fed up with the problems and stick me back into diapers... I remember this being a big struggle for me... but when I would obey and wear the diapers, I remember them giving me positive reactions. The diaper wearing wouldn't last forever, just short periods of time, off and on.
• As a bedwetter I found comfort in diapers, which brought out a fetish.
• Nocturnal enuresis (bedwetting) that continued into my adult years. Over the years I've had various medical evaluations/consultations, but with no resolution for my wetting issues (especially bedwetting). I've incorporated AB things (actually adult sizes of the same things I used during my early to late childhood, i.e., footed jammies/sleepers, onesies, etc. The AB part of me is a good coping mechanism because so many of the issues are SO comparable to toddlers & preschoolers who are not yet completely potty trained (I relate very well to the comparisons). 
• My relevant condition: Nocturnal enuresis. Despite absolutely hating waking up in a wet diaper almost nightly, I firmly believe that this is what lead to my interest in this fetish.

Bipolar Disorder

• The severe depression drove me further into the AB/DL world at a faster pace than I would otherwise have done. The mania led me to explore interests with others that were not beneficial to myself.
• Well, as a teen, I was not at all discreet. My mood swings caused me to act out in ways that exposed my AB/DL, or should I say, love of nappies.
• I believe that my serious depression and mania make me want the safety of being a baby or infant with all the discipline that comes with that. I would enjoy letting go of control because deep down I know that I have little control in some aspects of my life.
• I wasn't exactly diagnosed as incontinent, though I did have problems off and on with bedwetting while growing up, and I have/had episodes of wetting my pants and bed as an adult (all through my 20's, I'm now 30, it still happens from time to time.) When I swing toward the low side of the bipolar roller coaster, I tend to become very insecure, and find myself regressing or backsliding into past behaviors, such as finger sucking/chewing. I also find that the urge to wear/use diapers and indulge my ab side becomes much stronger. I also think that my parents illness when I was very young contributed directly. In the case of my father, he was loving, but was suffering horribly with the effects of Meniere's Disease and surgical attempts to mitigate those symptoms. My mother was battling massive depression and back injury (including spinal fusion surgery).

Blindness_or_Impaired_Vision

• A lot of people I have talked to on this matter think that I have a sex drive that works on smell/odor because of a vision disability. Also, I think that a pastor once used the analogy of a dirty diaper to explain what sin is like. I wonder if this is why fantasizing about immoral acts causing a sexually arousing dirty diaper started. I don't know.

Borderline Personality Disorder

• My borderline personality DEFINITELY has to do with me being an AB/DL. I am so afraid of abandonment and rejection, and all I want to do it be held and cared for. Borderlines always want a mommy or daddy figure to come back and take care of them and love them. That is what I want. I figure if i'm a baby, I get reparented. Wearing diapers helps a great deal in this as its such an intimate thing to get my diaper changed by another person. For someone to change my messy and wet diapers, it means that they truly care for me and are willing to take care of me.

Depression

• I think that being an AB/DL and having a difficult time finding friends that are involved in the fetish and/or a significant other contributed somewhat to my last major depressive episode (about 5 or 6 years ago).
• I have some depression issues and I use the AB/DL world as an escape from reality. Now I did not become an AB/DL because of my depression but I use it to help. I like to compare it to losing yourself in a good book. The book takes you to another land while the AB/DL takes you to a time where depressing matters did not concern you.
• I believe I had been diagnosed with depression when I was younger, about 10. Both my parents have been treated for depression (my mother is currently being treated for bipolar, though). I've gotten better at dealing with my problems as I've grown up, so now I'm not taking any antidepressants, I don't feel like I need them and I haven't for years. Diapers and the babyfur mindset are a couple of the things I tend to turn to when I'm feeling sad. They aren't the only things, but they've become alternatives to pills. Focusing on the idea of being taken care of through AB/DL fantasies is very soothing and it helps me through tough times.
• Depression over accepting who I am
• All I have been diagnosed with was clinical depression 6 years ago, which I still believe I have some, but it is not medically treated. I do not think this caused being AB/DL, but I do believe that AB/DL and other stresses all were apart of causing the clinical depression.
• The depression has come about by non acceptance from others or a perception of who I am that isn't true.
• The depression doesn't affect my AB/DL side nor vice versa.
• The only way depression has affected me being an AB/DL is that being an AB/DL makes me less depressed
• I think the depression became worse as I tried to cope and understand my love of diapers. I believe it also played a large role in my divorce, mostly because my ex could not deal with it, even though she knew about it before we married.
• I find, when I am feeling depressed, that a major factor/reason is that I feel unloved and uncared for. Being able to slip into my AB persona, my little side, allows me to seek out the care and affection that, as an adult, I do not feel I can ask for. It gives a certain amount of freedom in that respect. Where adults might be frowned at or chastised for seeking hugs, back rubs, and snuggle time from one another, a baby can (and indeed, is encouraged to) ask for these things whenever they want them.
• The feeling of wearing a diaper and being changed by my loved one helps dramatically with my depression.
• I think the depression allowed me to be independent of others and be within' myself more. This let me explore my fantasy's in private and allowed my fetish to develop.
• I don't think depression affects me being AB/DL
• I have experienced severe recurring depression over infantilism. Sometimes I can go months, even years, being quite self accepting, and then be struck with anguish over my interests.
• I don't feel my clinical depression (which was the result of a divorce) was in any way related to my AB/DL interests.
• At times the shame of the diapers effects my depression.

Handedness

• I'm ambidextrous with a slight preference on the right side.  (I was "forced" to write with my right hand at school... I didn't much care and used to draw and sometimes write with the left.... these days most "mechanical" tasks I can do equally well with either side.)
•  I was left-handed and forced to change to right-handed at school AT THE FOSTER HOME, AT THE AGE FROM 6 TO 12. now I am RIGHT HANDED (see question 47)

Incontinence

• Until I was 15 I had rare bedwetting accidents (about 8 to 10 per year)... My parents never made me wear diapers (although I once ASKED for this)... but I had one of the old-style rubber sheets beneath the bed covers... I loved the sheet. - however around 19/20 I had a serious bladder infection which basically rendered me incontinent for almost two months (bedwetting and daytime accidents)... so I was basically depending on diapers for that period... This experience has shown me that I truly just love diapers - but would not want 24/7 unless I had a medical condition. It had some influence on my DL side, as it also made me more "secure" as I really noticed people don't "see" my diapers... It made me a bit more "free" as when and how I want to wear & use diapers. So whilst at the moment I don't have any medical condition (incontinence or non related) and am perfectly healthy - there were a few "conditions" which kind of influenced my DL Side.
• If anything, long-term urinary incontinence drove me away from anything related to diapering for a long time. I hated the lack of choice involved; even though there are times nowadays that I wouldn't mind going back to wearing diapers or pullups on a regular basis, I'm still frequently scared that I might be losing control on the occasions that I do have genuine accidents.
• I choose to become AB/DL at the age of 14, and have kept myself in diapers since then, even through my marriage. So I was an AB/DL before my incontinence began.
• Diapered 24/7 (medical) since I must wear diapers I have fun with it
• I have fecal incontinence for about the last 5 years but enjoyed wearing nappies before that.
• I have always worn diapers 24/7 for wetting and messing. When going through puberty those diapers when wet and messy became a turn-on.
• It gave an easy way to introduce my fetish to my girlfriend
• I became incontinent as an unexpected side effect of surgery when I was 14 years old. I subsequently learned to enjoy the diapers that I need to wear.
• I became interested in diapers at about 5 or 6 years old when my cousin who is a year younger then me was diapered at night because of bedwetting. I did not become urinary incontinent until just a couple of years ago (I am 59 now)
• I have a degenerative disc disease that has caused me to have to have several back surgeries, and as a result, I've lost control of both my bladder and bowels. Since I was already an DL/AB, in that order, this didn't cause me any distress or anguish over having to wear diapers. Quite the contrary, I felt it was a dream come true. However, after having to wear diapers now for over 5 and a half years, I can honestly say that the "thrill" has gone out of it. Yes, I do still try to make the best of it, and even enjoy it at times, but the lack of having a choice in whether or not I can go someplace without a diaper on is depressing at times. And dealing with a messy diaper, especially in a public place like a restaurant, is very difficult, as I don't just walk around carrying my diaper bag everywhere. I usually leave it in my car, and if I need it, I'll walk out and get it and go back into a restroom to take care of business. Or, if I'm close enough to home, and it's a messy one, I'll just go on home and deal with it there, and go back into town to finish whatever I need to do then. I used to be very sexually aroused by my diapers as well, but as time has gone by, I find it ever more difficult to get excited by them. Part of the reason is because of my physical condition, the same reason I'm no longer continent is the same reason I find it difficult to get excited. It's a two edged sword for me, or "catch 22" if you will.
• I became incontinent as a result of being a full time baby.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

• With OCD, I find the shape and feel of a diaper on someone to be a very positive sensation of viewing and touching.
• Although I've never been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, I've read recently, that there are similarities to OCD and fetishes. So maybe I do have a form of OCD.
• In regards to the OCD I have a strong dislike of tidy environments to the extent that I will pull things off shelves and leave piles of games, sketches & doodles, or remnants of other activities strewn about to feel more comfortable with the environment. It results in a childlike messiness and reliance on others to clean up after me which furthers the mental undertones that I associate with the roleplay and environmental comforting side of being an AB
• Because I have OCD, I have the need to be extremely clean about everything I do, including the the changing and cleaning up of my (or my girlfriend's) diapers. Usually, changes occur on my bed, but no matter what type of contact has been made, the sheets must be changed before I can sleep in the bed again.

Other Conditions

• I have Becker's muscular dystrophy. I feel it as affected my behavior because I have felt weakened/helpless at times due to it, and my lack if of performance in my childhood has been a subject of humiliation.
• From when I was born until I was twelve I had bronchial asthma really bad.
• Schizoid Personality Disorder and/or Avoidant Personality Disorder
• Cerebral palsy
• No, I don't believe it has affected anything, I have been diagnosed with Chrone's disease, but that was long after I became an AB/DL, which has nothing to do with my situation.
• No, maybe? Alcoholism?
• Cerebral Palsy, Multiple Sclerosis.
• I have a learning disability but it doesn't affect my diaper wearing I just got into diapers by commercials and youtube videos.
• I have minor Diabetes Type II, but despite 32 years of examinations by urologists the medical cause of my bladder incontinence remains a mystery. I monitor my blood sugar level and manage my diabetes, under my internist's care, using diet and exercise.
• I tended to have messy and wet accidents for a long time. I have dyslexia and prosopagnosia I also wish I was a girl so dress as fem as I can.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

• I am a soldier and have been diagnosed with PTSD. While I was into this fetish long before I went to war, my erratic sleep cycles, night terrors, and occasional bedwetting have caused me to "pad up" more. I find when I am wearing a diaper that I feel more secure and relaxed than I would otherwise. I do believe there is a distinct correlation between my disorder and how I now view the fetish.
• I have had PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from childhood abuse by multiple people. Being an AB helps deal with the flashbacks and nightmares as I have a large problem feeling safe. Sleeping in the crib gives a feeling of being safe. So I think being AB helps provide some help to being able to deal with everyday life.

Transsexualism, Crossdressing

• I think my AB/DL side might be connected to transsexualism. Seeing as how I didn't get to be little in my correct gender, that might be why I haven't grown past it.
• My interest in being a baby is directly related to my desire to be female. Very early in life I felt like I was a girl trapped in the wrong body and I wanted a chance to do life over again, start as a baby girl and grow up "correctly" this time. I have almost no interest in being a baby boy again (I wasn't happy with that the first time) and it's not really a fetish for me; more a need to explore thoughts and feelings that I was denied in my actual childhood.
• Well for 16 years or more I kept crossdressing and ab/dl a secret from everyone except those I was intimate with. While getting therapy for a rather nasty break-up and depression I have started to talk about crossdressing and ab/dl. It has helped immensely to better understand myself, my wants and desires concerning these parts of my life and hopefully I will continue to grow and develop as a person, crossdresser and a diaper lover.

Part 0 - 1 - 2 - Interests - 3 - Conditions - 4 - Changes - 5 - Fantasy Diapers

Email BitterGrey Last Update: 31 Dec 2016| First 1 Aug 2009

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