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Understanding Infantilism (.org)

Modesty, Discretion, and Stealth

By BitterGrey

At an infantilist party a few years back, two of LA's more respected daddies threatened to diaper me. I was already wearing one, and the thought that even they couldn't tell was amusing. Since moving away from my folks, I've gained a few pounds in the wrong places. I might not be able to achieve that level of stealth anymore. If you still live with your parents and don't want to tell them, then you'll need to practice stealth too.

However, mere discretion in public is OK for most of us. People might see, hear, and smell something, but probably won't notice unless they know what to look for. Most people don't care, or don't want to know. They are free to interpret reality to match their expectations, and everybody is happy.

In some public situations, we can even get away with bare modesty. Here, it may be is impossible to deny that we are wearing diapers, but we are still "decent" in the eyes of the law. At times, this can be used to make a political or social point, but most often it is simply rude. Please check with those involved beforehand if you plan to be indiscreet in public. This is especially true if you are meeting someone at or near their home. Neighbors may be watching. When thinking about doing something that you would only do far from you home, remember that the far place is probably near some other ABDL's home.

Discretion is suitable for most cases, and isn't hard to achieve. It just takes a little consideration of the various signs. These signs can be seen, heard, smelled, and betrayed by nervousness.

Sights: Bulges, Pantywaists, Leaks

As you know, diapers have characteristic bulges. For example, all diapers have two vertical ridges in back, where the diaper transitions from folded in the crotch to flat around the cheeks. These bulges will be affected by a male ABDL's penis position, which also affects which areas of the diaper will get wet and swell. Wearing pants with enough space to fit over the diaper comfortably is a must. Large, but from-fitting clothes, like jeans, may help to impose a more normal shape on the diaper. This imposition can also come from an undergarment. Baggy clothes may obscure the shape, and hide the diaper in that way. Swim trunks have a double-benefit; they include both a mesh liner that will impose, and a baggy shell to obscure. (Please do not go swimming in an ordinary disposable!) The diaper will also cause a flattish bulge in front, especially for males. (Females are expected to be flattish in front.) A common way to cover this bulge is to untuck your shirt, or to wear an ample sweater. Soiled diapers and wet wingfoldsDEF will also have a dangling trough in between the legs or slightly behind. The dangling trough is harder to hide, unless you are in a skirt or dress.

Since diapers are usually worn higher than pants, there is also a risk of a visible pantywaist. This may be seen if the shirt rides up in back. Unless it is blatant, or the result of a hand movement, or someone is watching your butt, it will probably go unnoticed. Perhaps this is the best way to let someone know you are wearing a diaper, without letting them know that you meant to let them know.

Another intermittent sign is leakage. A tell-tale 'half moon' leakDEF typically occurs when sitting. That is, a leak from the edge where the diaper or plastic pants wrap around the cheek, just past the transition out of the crotch. The leak causes a semicircular wet spot that projects downward from the edge of the diaper. Other leak routes have less distinctive patterns, but might still cause suspicion. Dark-colored pants can conceal the color of the leak, but not the luster. Leaks can be prevented by changing before leakage occurs. Wearing plastic pants will also help, but their capacity will be limited if a secondary absorber aren't worn under them. Even cotton briefs will work. Leaks should be avoided, because the urine smell is hard to get out of seats.

Sounds: Crinkle, Piddle, Pop

A common concern these days is the rustling of disposable diapers. Plastic pants over cloth diapers rustle sometimes too. Those trim, quiet 'refastenable briefs' with the cloth-like top-sheets are an option, sure. However, the crinkling sound of the shiny, smooth plastic top-sheet, and the noisy rustling of the old vinyl pants is part of the experience of being a baby for many ABDLs. Of course, when we are out in public, we might not want it to be part of everyone else's experience. The sound level varies with the type of diaper, with the fit, and over time. The sound can be reduced by wearing jeans, plastic pants, and/or spandex briefs over the diaper. The plastic pants should be thick enough to stiffen the plastic sheet, but not noisy themselves. Spandex briefs have the drawback that they hold the diaper close against the skin. The rustling can also be concealed by other noises. In a noisy environment, the sound of even a bare, ordinary diaper probably go unnoticed. In a library, it may carry for some distance. Nylon shorts, "parachute" pants, and corduroy may help to camouflage the sound.

A much less common sign is the dribbling or dropping sound that can occur when diapers are used. This can range from the inaudibly gentle trickle to the trumpeted "splort" of gassy diarrhea. Having not heard either from anyone else, I can only write that the element of surprise may help: Those around you probably won't know what they heard, and may not want to find out.

The tapes on disposables may pop open at other times, but that has a different sound that is much less audible.

Smells: Pee, Wet Cotton, Poop

More frequently, it is the smells that bother people, and that is something we need to keep an eye ...or a nose ... on. The smell can be reduced by using soap and water when changing. This cuts down on the old urine odor. The smell of urine gets stronger as bacteria multiply and produce ammonia. Foods like asparagus and other foods can give it a smell. Cloth diapers also have a distinctive, musty scent when wet. Disposables also have scents of their own that are often unnoticed. One time, I was in the car with someone, and could tell that he was wearing a wet Attends. Of course, most people wouldn't recognize the scent. This is fortunate, because I once made the mistake of storing clothing with diapers, and ended up attending class in sweats with that unique Attends scent.

In contrast, the messy diaper smell is much less subtle. This odor can be reduced by taking chlorophyllDEF or Nullo®DEF, which are available at herbal medicine shops. The resulting scent will be less detectable and less obviously caused by a full diaper. There is a lag of a few days before they remove odor. They may also cause the feces to be green or black, and increases in dosages might have a laxative effect.


Given the many ways in which a diaper might be detected, it is reasonable to be a bit nervous about it. This nervousness is counterproductive. People who might never have noticed the diaper, or might never care about it, might notice the nervousness or get a general sense that something isn't right. They will then pay more attention in hopes of finding out why. Incontinent individuals, constantly in diapers, eventually accept the risks and get over their nervousness. Less experienced ABDLs attract attention by being nervous.

Even outside the diaper, a presumed deviation "normal" from can be a problem itself. "Normal" is an arbitrary and mean figment of society. However, a non-ABDL might have lived with a presumption of normalcy all of his or her life. This presumption would be reinforced by sharing "normal" interests and activities with others. In contrast, the ABDL might have grown up with the presumption that he wasn't "normal". Since he wouldn't discuss interests or activities that he considered to be not normal, he might not learn if they actually were "normal". The difference between the ABDL's and the non-ABDL's impression of "normal" might betray something odd. For example, if coworkers are discussing their favorite childhood stuffed animal and only the adult baby denied having ever one, the coworkers might think he was hiding something.


Changing in public restrooms is a different situation, because we can't control how much privacy is offered. One-person restrooms with locking doors are no problem. However, some public restrooms have multiple stalls but no doors. Even when the stalls have doors, the distinctive sound of four to six tapes peeling is hard to hide. The Velcro tabs peeling off a cloth-like-backsheet sound different than adhesive tapes peeling off a plastic-backsheet, but the sounds aren't that different. Parents and sitters would likely recognize either as diaper tapes, especially in pairs. They might not count, but might notice there being more than two tapes. They might also notice that the changing is happening in a stall, and not on the changing table. The number of tapes and the location of the sound are sure signs that an adult is being changed. The tape peeling sound can be reduced by rolling the tape off the diaper onto your thumb, using your thumb to muffle the noise. Another finger could be used instead. Alternatively, cutting the tapes with an enclosed-blade letter opener, carefully with scissors, or very carefully with a knife will eliminate the tape peeling noise.

The properly disposed-of diaper is also a give-away: You might be seen when carrying it out to the trash can. If you carry plastic bags, packing the diaper out with you is an option, but it would be a matter of stealth, not discretion. In the case of hotel rooms, used diapers should be left in closed, plastic bags. You may also want to consider leaving a tip for housekeeping.

On the other end of the spectrum, there may not be any public restrooms around. Hopefully, this means that there aren't any people around either.

Other Hints

OK, so all of these thankless measures have been taken to keep ordinary prudes from knowing we are in diapers. How do we share that secret with ourselves?

A typical sign that someone wears and uses diapers is the diaper bag. They can be any closed bag, but usually stand out in a few ways. The bag will be larger than a disposable, usually holding two or three. The bag may look light, but not empty: Diapers are a lot less dense than books. The person with the bag may also be in a situation where most people wouldn't carry bags. For example, people visiting a restaurant as a group will leave book bags at the table when going to the restroom, but they will bring their diaper bags into the restroom with them.

The Response

Let's say that you pick up on someone else's signs, what do you do? Do you politely let them know that his diaper is showing, and then let him know that you wear them too? Or do you subtly give them a sign in return?

- Updated:12 Jan 2015  1st:31 July 2002     

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