Survey #1: ABs, DLs, Etc. - Events

16) How would you describe what happened?

This question was preceded by #14 and #15, which were about a first ABDL event. This first event might be what the surveyee thinks caused their his or her interests. It might also be the first time they remember acting upon interests that were already there, or realized that these interests made them different. These questions provided an age and a broad category of event. However, to provide more depth, surveyees were asked to describe it in their own words. This greatly increased the depth of the survey, since these descriptions could be used to help interpret the multiple-choice results. The events described were associated with the onset or realization of desires toward diapers and/or babyhood. This associations might be anecdotal or coincidental. Of course, the relationships might also be causal.

Having the surveyee's own words is important because of the diversity of the answers. Classically, an event that involved both trauma and direction might have been expected. The trauma would be needed to cause the desire. The direction would make the desire specific to diapers and/or babyhood. However, only a few survey responces described both of these. Others had one but not both. Many responces had neither, suggesting that something more than classical defense mechanisms is involved.

Below is a sample of the answers for this question. It is not a random sample, and so can't be analyzed statistically. For example, those that didn't associate their interests with an event would be more likely to leave the space blank. Even the selection of answers to present here was not random: Some were included because they expressed a trend, others because they were unique. Additionally, surveyees were offered a checkbox at the end: Responces that weren't marked as being OK to quote from are not presented here.

For statistical reasons, surveyees were asked to complete all of the multiple choice questions. The fill-in-the-blank questions like this one were optional. The great success of the first survey was due to two parties, the surveyor and the surveyees. I am grateful to all who filled out a survey, and especially grateful to those who went the extra mile and completed the fill-in-the-blank questions.

Uncertain

I'm not certain of the events that led to my desire to wear diapers.

Always had the Urge

I have always enjoyed wearing diapers, for as long as I can remember at least.
I wanted to be back in diapers (and I liked watching diaper changes), at about age 4-5. I proclaimed this occasionally, and one time my Mom acquiesced and bought me a pack. The interest lay dormant from not long after that (maybe age 7-8) until puberty.
I always felt something was missing around down there.
I don't remember any particular event; to my memory, I've always been interested in diapers (roleplaying as baby is actually a more recent interest gained through joining the babyfur community) and always known it was something different that ought to be hidden.
I basically discovered I had a strong sexual interest in diapers, and that this interest had gone back to early childhood. I actually remember being in daycare and wanting to wear some diapers I saw on the changing table.
Well... My parents always said I was born old.. if that makes any sense. I was very intelligent and mature for my age, and I got a lot of attention for it. I guess the novelty of being commended for being "wise beyond my years" wore off, and I just wanted to go back and have a childhood.. since I never really had one, to begin with. Nowadays it's very relaxing for me to just forget all my problems
I always wanted to be back in diapers since I was forced out of them. At 6 I started to realize they meant something more to me, and I would dream about them a lot, and ever since then I wanted to be diapered and babied, got nervous and sad watching diaper commercials, and so on, though I thought it was wrong until recently.
My earliest memory of such an inclination was when I was playing as a child. I always wanted to be the baby, and be changed. I think this was probably established from babyhood, when the practical touching that I received, ie feeding and nappy changing etc, was nearly the only touching I received, although I might be wrong. Both my parents are loving, although my mum does not touch. Still to this day, I do not like being touched unless it is practical, ie a haircut, my wife putting something in a rucksack I'm wearing, etc. and I long for such touching. There is no one event I can point to that caused this.
I only can say, I remember not latter than age 6, describing a fantasy to my best friend about a machine which would capture you and force you into diapers and turn you into a baby. I managed to sleep dry at approx. age 4, and shortly thereafter was missing my diapers. Immediately I was putting any piece of soft fabric I could find between my legs for that diapered feeling.
I had a liking for diapers even at a young age but came across DPF by mistake at a bad time in life and realized a desire to be young again

Experimenting with Diapers

I found a pair of plastic pants when I was 4 or 5. I put them on with nothing else under them. I peed and quickly realised there was nothing there to absorbe my pee and started leaking. I stopped peeing and cleaned up with my pj bottoms. I wet the bed anyway so mom figured I had just wet again. I knew I had a liking to the plastic pants.
I used to dress all of my stuffed animals in makeshift diapers and I would wear a makeshift diaper myself. I was very young and didn't understand masturbation so I remained erect all night.
I enjoyed putting bed blankets between legs and humping them, then just grew into enjoying diapers
...Playing hide and seek with neighborhood friends. I was hiding and of course didn't want to be found. At the same time I had to urinate. I could hold it only for so long while not being found. I started to wet just a little at a time just to relieve myself. But then I went more and more where it was noticable but still enjoying the act of wetting. After that I started wetting my pants in secret and bed a little bit more and more thru my teen years. I discovered diapers when I started babysitting and at the church nursury. Diapers became a self-punishment if I failed at doing something I responsibly should've done. Thus diapers have been with me thru the years. I find myself many times not wanting to grow up and to be a responsible adult especially a parent.
I was into S&M since I discovered sex. I was driving down the road and thought "Wow, diapers might be cool to try ... I wonder how they feel...". It just grew from there.

Puberty

Hard to tell. But I think this all started since my first wet dream, which was somewhat related to being out of control and wetting myself.
I learned to masturbate. There were, of course, sensations of something being expelled. The only analogous sensation at that point was urination, so I associated sexual arousal with wetting. For me, my fetish is really an incontinence fetish. Diapers and desperation accidents are mostly just the obvious corollaries.
I found a diaper in the trash can that had only been wet a little bit, from the neighbor across the street I put it on and rubbed it on my privates, I rolled around and around, I had not hit puberty yet, but I had an extremely powerful orgasm that left me feeling very wierd

Diapers

Accidents

I had a couple of day time accidents at the age of 10 and my mom put me back into diapers for a summer.
Okay, it is hard to describe. There's a couple events that are possibilities. Firstly, at age 4, when I was fresh out of diapers for the first time, I was at a babysitter's home, and she was getting frustrated with my constant accidents, which I had semi-frequently until 5ish. After the third pair of pants, in exasperation, she removed my wet pants, plopped on the changing table, diapered me, then sent me back out to play. This memory is one of the few conscious ones I have of those early years, and while I don't know how much of a cause it is for my fetish, I feel it being of of few cognizant memories is of some relevance. Similarly, about two years a later, I had a sleepover in which a bed wetter was present. I was jealous and blatantly asked my parents if I could wear diapers again, to which they obviously said no. Past that, it just took me seeing the AB episode of Springer at age 12 to consider looking the fetish up on the internet.

Bedwetting

I really like the comfort of being diapered in lieu of a wet bed. I was made to wear them every night at age 7 for constant bedwetting. Around 12 I had my first orgasm in my diaper while in bed falling asleep.
I was a bed wetter. My other did not diaper me, but around the age of 12, I often woke up wet, and it started to feel erotic. I often woke while wetting, dreaming of erotic images. In my first masterbating scene, I used Vaseline, and used the mental image of having it applied before diapering. It all seemed natural, and I was hooked.
I was a bedwetter until I was 16 years old. My parents used to diaper me when I was little (From ages 3 to 10) to keep me from wetting the bed and ruining the mattress. My earliest memory is of my mother getting me ready for bed, wiping and powdering me, then diapering me in a Huggies diaper (Yes, I remember the brand :P) and getting me dressed in my PJs. I must have been three years old. Ever since then, I have longed to recapture that feeling of love, security and comfort, and that's why I'm a babyfur. ^__^
I was a bedwetter, and had to wear plastic pants and diapers at a friend's house. I was ashamed and cried, but did so at my mother's behest. Since then, I had a desire to be put back in diapers, and used to wet my pants at times (but not on purpose). I was mortified by my desire to wear diapers, so I couldn't even stand to say the word "diaper" or watch a TV commercial for diapers. I never talked about my bedwetting with any of my friends, and it was never discussed in my family.
I was a bed wetter, and my mom would make me wear diapers when we went to family functions and show all of my cousins me in diapers to try and shame me into stop wetting the bed. IT DIDN"T WORK.
I wet the bed and was looking for ways to stop when I found deekersdiaper stories. I got interested and I've been into diapers ever since
I was diapered for bedwetting, and when I quit wetting the bed, I missed the feel of the wet diapers and started wetting the bed on purpose so I'd be put back in them.
I remember very distinctly the night my mother told me "Don't put your pajama bottoms on tonight, because I'm going to diaper you" (for bedwetting) I came out into the living room in just my underpants and pajama top, and my mother laid me down on the sofa, pulled my underpants off, grabbed my ankles with her left hand, lifted my butt up off the sofa and slid a diaper under me. She then powdered me and pulled the diaper up between my legs and pinned it on. The green Gerber plastic snap on pants came next. My father was sitting across the room watching the whole thing with a sad look on his face. (I found out later that he was a bedwetter as a child. Maybe he was feeling jealous that night?) When my mother was done, I waddled into the bedroom and put my pajama bottoms on over my diapers. I was diapered every night for a few months until my baby sister was born. But then the diapering stopped. My mother would not diaper me again, no matter how much I asked her to.
My parents sent me off to some kid-camp when I was around 5 or so... for a two week term in summer (I guess they needed a bit time for themselves)... well there the leaders/staff announced that every kid below the age of 6 would wear diapers to bed every night. Now I'm not sure if my parents knew this or if they simply didn't mind. But I actually realized that I loved the feeling of wearing - it was great and I wanted more. My older bro was a bedwetter until he was 13 or so... so he wore diapers every night and I remember taking some when no one was at home. I also had some bedwetting issues until I was 14 or 15 - but those were very rare (8 or 10 times a year)... unfortunatly no one put me in a diaper for that - the only thing I had was a plastic sheet on the bed until I was 16.

Hospitalization

I was put back into diapers for awhile due to an accident
I was in a hospital for a year in an all boys ward. I had a problem with my hip so I had to be flat on my back in a brace. One day I had to go pee so I called the nurse to bring the urinal. This nurse was a male nurse and he always made us younger boys pee in a baby bottle insted of a urinal. They metered our output with it. I called and called but he didn't come untill it was to late. I had wet the bed. He was mad and said that if I was going to wet the bed like a little baby I was going to have to wear diapers like a baby. I cried and told him I didn't do it on purpose but he wouldn't listen. He just kept saying big boys can hold it and it's evident that I wasn't a big boy because I had wet the bed. So he put the diaper and plastic pants on me. Then he said if I could stay dry maybe he would take them off and I wouldn't have to wear them any more. I stayed dry but I kinda liked the feel of them. The other boys teased me of course. Saying things like look at the baby wearing diapers, and stuff like that. I went to sleep with the diapers on. They took them off me the next morning but it was a long time before I realized I missed them.
I'm not completely sure, but I believe an incident in my early childhood was responsible for triggering my 'interests': going into the hospital for minor surgery. I don't remember it consciously at all, and I didn't even find out about it until I was in my teens, but it does 'make sense' to me, especially considering that my 'interests' do seem to be often 'medical' in nature.
I was diapered for really bad foodpoisoning for a few days. Sice then I had an interest in them.
As a child born with birth defects I was forced to spend many fo my summer vacations at a children's hospital having surgury. I was forced to wear diapers during and after surgury until I was able to stand and walk to bathroom by my self, which could be several days at time. I really did like it when the nurses would come in and bath me and change me into a fresh diaper. After I was able to get up on my own I would start getting diapers out of the linen closet and change my self. This also allowed me to use the large private bathroom with a deep tub so that I could enjoy bubble baths while I was wearing as many as 6 diapers at one time. God did I ever enjoy that!!!
I was sick as a child and in a hospital for quite some time. It got to a point where I was too weak to get up and go to the bathroom. So my parents requested that they put me back in diapers for the time being. After I recovered I just had the urge to wear them again but my parents never found out about it. So this has been going on for years now. I am 29.
I had to stay at the hospital for a forthnight due to a hand-operation. In some way or another I persuaded the nurse that I still needed to wear diapers. I also remember getting out of bed, which was strictly forbidden, to wander through a large, circular corridor, trying to find a storage room for diapers. I guess that the image I have of this room now must be imaginative, but on the other hand, it must surely exist in every children's hospital.

Incontinence

At age 12, at puberty, I developed Secondary Nocturnal Enuresis, which progressed to profound incontinence at age 21. In 1990, at age 26, I read about Adult Babies as a coping strategy. It turned out to work for me.
As a child, I had a bowel problem. I didn't want to be in a diaper, but I was forced to wear them and also be humiliated while wearing them as punishment for a problem I could not control. I found out that the diapers did feel good and that I liked the loudness of them.
Became incontinent after an accident and discovered I like wearing diapers.
I'd had some minor incontinence issues for a while but after a visit to the urologist and a quick surgery, that was healed up. I remember wanting to try on a diaper and made one out of towels with a garbage bag over for the "plastic panties". I felt embarassed about liking the feeling and even more so about sharing with my then-boyfriend (my ex-husband). He didn't outright laugh at me but I got such a bland reaction I left his bedroom. Shortly thereafter I had access to the Internet. I don't remember how I searched, but I found DPF and learned there were other adults who wore diapers just for pleasure rather than medical necessity. I considered myself a DL because the only sites I found about AB had to do with male sissies. I have nothing against sissies as a group; I just could not identify with them. Somehow I stumbled across a Yahoo group called BSG, which stood for BabySlaveGirl, and I was totally entranced! An adult baby who was a female, a biological female. But I found myself getting sexually aroused by the idea and didn't see how any sex could mesh with being an AB. I thought that if I acknowledged my arousal then that indicated an issue with paedophilia, a tolerance or, worse yet, a leaning! Two things helped with that, the first being a web site called Sexuality.org (or something close to that) and this site [understanding.infantilism.org]. When I later moved out of my ex-husband's home, I got a computer of my own and was able to investigate more thoroughly. I became more accepting of the idea of being an Adult Baby and now I consider it the primary part of my "kinky side".

Exposure

Diaper Advertisements

I just remember being very fascinated by diaper commercials
I saw an adult diapers TV commercial and it gave me some curiosity to wear one diaper so I went to bought some diapers and I liked them.
I still wanted to wear them and seeing ads on TV made me realize that.
I saw a diaper commercial and thought it would be neat to try one out.
I recall seeing advertisements for GoodNites, and it really made me want to try to wear diapers. I was a bedwetter previously, but never wore diapers to bed because of it.
I think it started with a fixation; reading baby/adult diaper ads in magazines and such. I had dreams involving trying to find diapers, and then giving up and wetting my pants. Then I came across ABDL by sheer accident on the internet, and discovered my fetish. I've been hooked ever since!

Jealousy

My mother had to babysit my niece while my sister was away. I was 5 at the time, and was potty trained less than a year prior. I wasn't ready and the attention my niece got and me getting less prompted me to go back to being a baby, since in my mind if you're a baby, you'll get the attention. I went back to diapers, my mother did't notice, but my enjoyment for them grew.
Basicly I saw my little brother getting diapered and I wanted to get back into them
My strongest early memories are of wanting to wear diapers, like my younger sister did. I was taken out of diapers just around the time she was born (2.5 year difference in age), and I think that I became jealous because of this, and the treatment that she received. I was always mean to her while we were growing up for some reason.
I was four years old at a neighbors house with my Mom. My neighbor had a daughter who was my age but still wore diapers for bedtime. I remember being jealous of this, I still wanted to be babied or at least in diapers. Our parents were in the living room conversing and we were in the back of the house. I took one of the diapers and took it to the master bedroom to the far side of the room behind the bed. I then tried to put the diaper on myself and was attempting this when our parents walking in. I have confirmed this event and my age at the time with my Mother.
I watched my mother change the diaper of a neighbor's baby boy (about one year old) that she had been watching for the day. While the baby boy was being diapered by my mom, his big sister (maybe around 10 years old), was watching it all happen. I clearly remember thinking to myself, while watching my mother diaper him, how badly I wanted to be the one who was being diapered, laid out on a changing pad, completely naked to all who cared to watch, with a big sister watching on. I was deeply moved by the way my mother was baby-talking to him, and the pleasureable reaction the baby boy had to the baby lotion my mother was applying to him, (his squiming, the flaying of his arms, the kicking of his legs, and his broad smile when he was being lotioned) and the way both my mom and the big sister were grinning and softly self-contentedly giggling to themselves while watching the baby boy squirm in manifest pleasure on the changing pad.

Peer's or Sibling's Diapers

Well I was laying in by bed and then I looked over at my little sister's box of diapers. I started to wonder how it felt when you soiled and wet the diaper so I snuck over and took a diaper. I went into the bathroom and put it on. I layed in bed until I had the urge to pee. I was thinking of taking the diaper off and useing the toilet then I thought 'what the hell' and I went. The sensation was great and then I felt the urge to poop so I pooped in the diaper too. I started to get erected and wondered what was going on. I ignored it and enjoyed the sensation that the wet and messy diaper brought me. Then I wrapped up the diaper and threw it in the trash. I continued doing this till I got caught. I stopped for a year or 2 then the sensation came back.
It started when I swiped a couple diapers from a friend's little sister's stash, and then I bought a pack of the largest baby ones I could find, and tried to use them with the aid of duct tape, with varying degrees of success. Now I can get the larger version and love it.
...I remember at around 4 or 5, sneaking my little brothers cloth diapers and plastic pants. I have a distinct memory of a pair of brown corduroys, with my diaper and plastic pants sticking out the back standing on the top of the dog house talking to friends over the fence. It's a very good memory.
I remember sneaking into my little brother's room one night and grabbing one of his diapers. then I slunk under his bed and put it on, then fell asleep. My parents then found me in the morning and asked why I took one of his diapers, for which I had no answer that I remember. That and I was difficult to potty train, and wasn't out of diapers until about age 3 to 3 1/2.
I was mad for having to live in a foster home. I hated the fact that all the "Little Kids" got the most love and attention. So one day out of shear spite I decided to piss in one of the toddlers clean diapers...seeking to get them in trouble so that they too can feel my pain. However after doing so (releaving myself in the diaper) I noticed that I kind of enjoyed it, even relishing the moment. From that point on my interest was peaked.

Exposure to Adult Diapers

Not really sure, but I think alot was because I saw my grandfather have to wear them because of terminal cancer. Then when I was in 10th grade a friend's grandmother was going through the same thing and there was a bag of adult diapers in the back seat where I was. I had to hold back my excitement and intrigue and keep myself from not taking one.
I came into contact with adult diapers when my Mom went into a nursing home. I tried on a diaper, thinking it would be convenient for masturbation. Then I looked the matter up online and discovered the idea of adult babies. I found that attractive; it connected with some part of me. My connection further grew as a result of 2001 terrorist attacks and complete disgust for adulthood. It really is a long and more complicated story.
I was at my babysitter's house, and I was watching a T.V. show called "You Cant Do That On Television". They had skits about diapers in it. When I first saw it, something in my brain literally clicked. I've liked diapers ever since.
I found a diaper in a cupboard of the house and couldn't stop thinking about it, a few days later I took it and used it. I restrained my interest for a long time after that. It came up again when I was 14, I found adult diapers in my house (I believe one or both of my parents are AB/DL but can't confirm it) and used them again and definitly had a sexual response. I didn't go near them again for 12 years and had alot of personal turmoil about that and other issues before being able to come to terms with it.
Mostly, it was a fascination with my best friends posterior. He was disabled and used forearm crutches. He had to wear diapers all the time. I remember them very well. Thick and very noisy plastic under his jeans. He actually used to play "games" with (and in) his diapers at school. He was one of the first kids I met in kindergarten, and we remained friends through 8th grade.

Exposure to AB/DLs or AB/DL material

I was in an adult book store, and ran across 'Men In Diapers' and just looking at that book (I couldn't pick it up because I was afraid people would laugh at me) was enough to trigger a cascade of feelings and desires that I had always had. At that point, I knew I was supposed to be a baby again, in diapers.
I stumbled across TeenBabyNet, and relized what I was.
I had someone who asked if I wanted to be a little girl and I said yes he dressed me up, put me in pj's and pigtails told me stories and let me take a bottle to bed and tucked me in
I stumbled across some pictures of women in diapers on the internet and found myself sexually aroused. After a few months of looking at pictures I started experimenting with creating my own diapers from plastic bags. In the end I told my partner and nowadays I buy adult diapers.
..diaper story in Penthouse Forum.
I was listening to the radio, to a sex therepist, and an AB rung up. I was interested.
I was googling random stuff and found the ARArchive. A little more clicking of links and I found the diaper community. After a few months, I realized I was part of it.
I stumbled across dpf.com, and the well-hidden secret interest I had became a "lifestyle" rather than me being a weirdo.
I was listenning to a radio show and somebody rang in to discuss adult babies/infantilism. Being interested I researched on the net and found out more, then shortly got my first pack of diapers.
I came across an a real life article in Forum magazine about an adult (guy) being forced back into diapers. I found it hugely erotic and wanted to see what the feelings described really felt like. When later on I did manage to get hold of a diaper and plastic pants I found the experience even more exciting than reading the story. I have continued wearing ever since.
I was on the 'puter when I acidently stumbled onto a ab ste, I became interested.
Did some random searches on Google for diaper related stuff just on an impulse, and stumbled upon some ABDL boards.
For some reason I decided to search for Teen diapers, I have no idea why I chose that but I did and came across this site. After hearing of the sensations diapers provide I tried wearing blankets as cloth diapers and found I liked it.
Was introduced to babyfurs group on (what was then) Yiffnet.
I accidently stumbled across a website for TBs and bedwetting teens.
I was plying the game named Second Life where adult was in diapers
I was looking up kinky sex sites and one of the methods was infantilism. I was weirded out at first, then I started getting unbeliveably turned on.
I was looking across the internet when I found a website about Japanese girls in Diapers. It just grew from there.
I gradually became aware of it during a brief exploratory period (all conducted on the Internet) when I was trying to figure out what might interest me sexually, and why normal sexual stimuli did not. It held and has continued to hold my interest in a way that other fetish/scene interests did not, although I've never done real-life RPing involving diapers. Shortly after I also began watching anime/cartoons, which I hadn't done throughout my entire teenage years, prior to the age of about 19.
I've always liked watersports, and I have a lot of AB/DL friends. At first the idea of ageplay and diaperplay squicked me out majorly, but the more used to the idea I became, the more curious I was to try it. So I tried on a diaper one day and didn't totally hate it. It's growing on me.

Hardship

Abuse

When I was in diapers, no harm came to me. When I was out, I was abused.
Emotional trauma from being potty trained. I have two specific, vivd memories of screaming on the toilet as I was forced to sit there until I went, which was also painful physically in the bowels! Then in kindergarden I remember being distinctly interested in girls peeing themselves in class or girls that still wore diapers.
I was sexually abused and forced to do baby things
Incidents most likely occured prior to this age 7, but sexual relationship with dad, led to the desire, both by him and myself, to baby me. Diapers were not included in this, but thumb sucking, and him talking to me as if I was an infant, often was. Loosing continence control while having sex was both encouraged and desired. Although I found out just recently that I was late getting out of diapers, and would often fiddle with myself in the diaper, or rock back and forth and coo in a messy diaper.
My father inserted a wire hanger into my penis and caused nerve damage causing me to be incontenant for life barring surgery.
My father was an alcoholic and after watching him on numerous occasions beat up on my mother, one day I was coming home from the park and I noticed a next-door-neighbor caring for their 9 month baby girl. So I crawled under a bridge abd watched them for the remainder of the afternoon. The next thing I knew I was having dreams about being a baby and being treated like a baby again.
Sexual abuse. I started to "regress" to forget what had happened to me, and started to "feel" like a baby.
After sexual abuse I just wished I could go back to a baby

Divorce of Parents

Wearing diapers/peeing myself was always something that I enjoyed. When I was real young, around 3-5, I requested my parents to diaper me, ocassionaly they did. Later on, I didn't involve my parents for fear of rejection. Now that I think about it, the event may have been my parents' divorce when I was 3. Childhood amnesia took over and I felt like I've always been that way.
As far back as I can remember I have wanted to, and acted upon the desire to wear diapers. A psychologist once theorized that the association of love & tenderness with diapers possibly stem from the pain of the divorce of my parents that happened when I was very young; about 1 year of age.
My parents got divorced and it tore me apart. It was then I started to want to be a baby agian, to feel that I had loving parents.
I was kept in diapers for 2 summers by my aunt . while my parents were fighting over a devorice.
My parents were about 5 years out of a divorce, and I was frequently "bouncing" from house to house. My father had been talking about adopting another boy to provide me with a brother to "balance out" my genetic sister and step-sister (make it two of each). During this time I discovered that I was frequently having dreams about myself as a smaller child, and as my current age being treated like a baby. I found that I was turned on by the thought of wearing a diaper, and would use the grocery store and department store advertisements as a masturbation tool. Additionally, during the period my father was talking about adoption of another boy, I would frequently masturbate/fantasize about a boy of my age (sometimes boys I knew) being adopted, but forced to grow up from scratch again. Once I started college at 16, I discovered the Internet, and found there were others with my interests (both Gay and AB/DL). These feelings/senses have almost always been bound together.

Death or Disability of a Parent

my mom diapered me as a joke and then made me walk into the living room and called it cute, etc. then she picked me up (which was something she couldn't do safely as she was to die 2 years later of a heart attack caused by scoliosis). The attention my mom gave (though she always did as she knew she was living each day on borrowed time) and the feeling the diaper gave sold me for life. I remember being set on diapers ever since. it wasn't until 7 years or so ago that I was able to act upon my feelings though without fear of others being possibly present.
I assume this was caused by my father's death when I was 2 years old and still wearing diapers. I was wearing diapers unusually long (>3), as I know from stories. And since I can think I have always had the desire to wear diapers and/or mess myself. But I think I didnt realize that I was different until I was maybe 10-12.
It's quite possible that an event triggered these interests, but I have no specific memory of one. My childhood memories are largely sporadic -- I remember some individual events very well, but I don't remember anything to justify or connect these events. My father has been severely disabled for almost the entirety of my lifetime with a degenerative illness; I know that for the first 15 years things were very unstable at home with both my parents & my older siblings. After this time, when I was the only child left at home, our family relationships began to stabilize. I remember having a recurring fantasy that I created where I would be kidnapped one day & looked after by a benevolent man who would keep me in diapers & allow me to play all day. After a while (a time I think I arbitrarily set at a year) I would be returned to my parents much happier & I could then continue life normally. I think I was about six when I started consciously thinking about this. I had many other peripheral (but related) fantasies, but that one stayed in my mind for years. It's strange, because when I was little I was always very attracted to women & very distrusting of men. I'm not sure why I would have constructed a fantasy around a male figure. The obvious answer would be a lack of parental support in this regard; but I never longed for that (patriarchal) relationship or support, so it doesn't quite add up.
My mother passed away from suicide a month after my 7 birthday. This event was the most pivotal in my life. I have hard time remembering before it happened. After her death, my family began operating on a "for yourself" mode. Meaning fend for yourself. I did not get much love and attention after it mainly because my father, brother and I were just trying to get by on a daily basis. When I turned 11 I started making my own diapers by sewing two pairs of modified tighty whities together with cloth in between. I would then play as a kid and fantasize about the love that I wanted to be receiving. I then came out at 13 as gay and my family was not accepting. Even to this day, outside of my child role, I have a hard time accepting affection because I am not used to it.

Fun and Games

A neighbor girl wanted to play house and I was the baby. She actually got some diapers and diapered me. This went on for years before she moved. I was hooked on wearing diapers from then on.
A high school costume party ( matching my Girlfriend at the time..baby boy and baby girl.. ..yea, Her idea..). A new world opened up. I felt like something was finally righted that had been wrong for so long. I accepted the feelings and the situation, but questioned the why's and the How's. The girlfriend new nothing more than I was real content for the evening.
My younger cousin ... and I were messing around and tried on one of his little brother's diapers. The XL baby diaper back in the late 80's to early 90's which were much bigger then todays size 6 diapers. We modelled the diapers for each other. They fit perfectly with room to spare. I was hooked but he wasn't instead. When he was a teenager he got hooked on booze and hard core drugs, and I stayed hooked on diapers.
Assuming that my memory is correct, I think the whole key to my interests lies in an incident that occured when I was three years old. I was already out of diapers by then, but for some reason the seven-year-old girl next door was trying to put me into my baby brother's diapers. I remember the moment quite clearly, and I'm sure it's the key.
I suppose it was when my parents went on vacation and left me and my brother with a babysitter. She had some babies, and some how I was dared to wear a diaper. I did as a joke, but loved it. I did deny it though.
While I didn't start experimenting with diapers until I was 11 year old, I do have memories of wanting to be diapered and babied as early as 5 yo. I remember playing with some of the kids in the neighborhood and two girls wanted to play "house" and I wanted to be the baby.
It was a prank played in college. A college roommate dared me to dress as baby new year for Halloween that year. Little did he or I know it would stick with me!
I was visiting a friends house and his brother is autistic. I was spending the night and saw him in diapers for my whole stay. I was curious so I first dared my friend to put one on then I put one on.
I was playing with diapers with a friend and my mother came in and saw me in a diaper. She asked if I wanted to be put back in diapers and I wanted to say "yes" but said "no". What a mistake!

Survey #1 part 1 - 2 - joys - 3 - events - 4 - messages - 5 - 6 & 7

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Level: General | Status: Finished | Last Update: 15 May 2008

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