Survey #2 - Changing Aspects

Part four explored how the interests of AB/DLs changed over time. It included one essay question, asking why the surveyee thought these changes occurred. There were some broad trends, but also some unique insights shared. Many of the responses are presented below after a non-systematic sorting for readability. Note that while they are grouped around specific topics, their might be contrasts within the groups. Given the diversity present in the AB/DL community, they all could be accurately reporting their individual experiences.

If your AB/DL interests have changed over time, why do you think they did so?

• Acceptance
• Changes due to Relationships
• Comfort and Security
• Community
• Compromises with Partners
• Confidence
• Convenience
• Divorce
• Exploration
• Exposure
• Getting Older
• Habituation/Desensitization
• Incontinence
• Miscellaneous
• Opportunity
• Parenthood
• Power Exchange
• Puberty
• Sexual Reassignment Surgery
• Spanking
• Switching

Acceptance

• I think over time I have become more accepting of myself, plus I talked with my psychologist about it and he said as long as I am not causing harm to myself or others he didn't see any reason that I should stop. As long as it doesn't interfere with my daily activities such as work and such its OK.
• The main reason my interests have increased/decreased over time has been my recent acceptance of my being AB/DL. Previously (as in the last few years) I've viewed everything through emotional binge-purge cycles - very good to very bad. Now that I'm accepting things, or letting myself accept things, it's becoming more stable.
• I have learned to accept myself and the fact that I must wear diapers.
• As I become more aware of my internal needs and wants, I accept them more. Through therapy I am slowly getting to accept this aspect of myself, but it is difficult and a long road.
• Accepting more and more of myself as I've gotten older. It hasn't come easy because of a very 'masculine' upbringing, but it gets better over time.
• I became more aware of my infantilism and better understood it, which in turn affected my standards for it.
• I have gone from mostly DL to mostly AB I think mostly because I have given in to my true desires. Now I sleep like a baby.

Changes due to Relationships

• My relationships with others have changed over time. Things that I was getting from diapers I now get from other people. The reverse is also true for other things.
• Most of the change I can relate to becoming married. Before marriage the diaper play was mostly solo but once I got married and my wife became involved the domination and sex became much more important to both of us.
• I think me being a "baby" has changed due to the reason I got an online "older brother" who is a Furry/AB. He likes to be the care giver a lot and he's never had a little brother so I filled in the role for him. Me and him both love each other as real brothers though even if we are not related at all.
• Maturity and especially marriage changed some things over time. Having a life partner so intimately woven into one's life has a tendency to alter aspects of this interest - all of it for the better I might add.

Comfort and Security

• As I have matured as an adult and due to my experiences in life, good or bad, I have found myself drawn away from the child like draw of being an AB/DL to the comfort and security I now find enjoyable.

Community

• I became more interested in the AB/DL lifestyle when I actually discovered the community behind it on the Internet. Before that I avoided it as much as possible and maintained a low interest in diapers and the like.
• I think my AB/DL interests changed in respect to the first interactions I had with the community. That is my first explorations on the internet. I saw these sites quite early on in my experience and they had a profound impact on what I saw as being the sexual side. The more shocking images scared me and I found a retreat over time into the much less threatening aspects of AB/DL

Compromises with Partners

• My fiance is much more into spankings and the like (and not into diapers). So, it is our sort of compromise. The desire to use diapers for 'the convenience' has probably grown since my fiance does not allow me to wet or otherwise soil my diaper when she is around.
• I got married and compromised with my wife at the time.

Confidence

• When I initially began wearing diapers, I thought that I would only ever wear them at home indoors, but since then I have worn diapers outside and in public many times, but they were always covered up when I went out.
• I used to be embarrassed unless I was being forced to age play. Now I don't need to be under the control of someone else, although I do enjoy it.
• I've been more comfortable meeting other AB/DLs, and my childish side has become braver.

Convenience

• With regards to "convenience", there were some things that I never got to experience until I was living on my on own. Enemas, suppositories, soiled diapers, etc, were all things that couldn't be done while living with my parents. When I first moved out these were things that I was anxious to try, and I found it fun to wet or soil my diaper whenever or wherever. But as job responsibilities increased, and free time for play became less, the convenience of being able to do those things became much less intense. Having to spend 15 or 20 minutes cleaning up or showering after a dirty diaper suddenly doesn't rank higher up than using a toilet and taking 3 minutes to accomplish the same task. Wet diapers obviously don't fall victim to this problem nearly as much, and certainly if I'm being punished or I have plenty of time, an enema, suppository or soiled diaper can be fun and exciting. But if it's just a normal night at home after work, it's usually going to be a wet diaper, or no diaper.
• I discovered that the obvious fact that, objectively-speaking, diapers really aren't too convenient. You have to worry about leakage, cleaning up, hiding the diaper and cleaning furniture in the event of leakage.
• I became a little less interested in the convenience of diapers because I had a bad run of leakage.
• Convenience. I moved from wetting/soiling my pants to diapers for convenience and cleanup.
• Initially I was more interested in wetting. Diapers were always attractive, though. Occasional use of diapers, at first partly for practical reasons (less mess), has increased my interest in them.

Divorce

Exploration

• A refinement of what excites me. Trying different things and finding out which I like the most.
• I had the opportunity to try some things I used to be interested in and decided I didn't like them as much as I thought I might.
• Just getting more experience in acting out my feelings and finding out things that are important and what not.
• I would guess a more mature reasoning of my own sexuality. Sex itself, specifically how diapers play in physical sensations, has increased in value now that I know what those feelings feel like.
• Experience. One doesn't really know what they like until they experiment with different things.
• Over time, after leaving the parents house, I was able to actually explore what I liked and didn't like. By doing this, I have found that certain aspect reach out to me stronger than others.
• After being treated as a baby it has become very important to me in any relationship I enter into.
• As far as I can remember, I've always had AB/DL tendencies, but as I've gotten older and have been exposed to more ideas, have had more opportunities to indulge my AB/DL tendencies, and have interacted with other AB/DLs and people with other fetishes, I've discovered many other things in which I'm interested. I also think that at least to a certain degree, indulging my AB/DL tendencies with increasing frequency over the years has allowed me to actually enjoy, savor, and learn from the experiences more. When I bought my first package of Depends 11 years ago, it was such a rush to even just hold them, let alone wear them, wet them, be bound in them, et cetera, that it was, for want of a better word, overwhelming. Now that I've had a wide range of experiences, I can sit here in a messy diaper and enjoy the experience on many more nuanced levels than I could back then.
• Being a baby has always been very important for me. Wearing a nappy is a key part of this as obviously babies wear nappies. In the "early days", the type of nappy was not important - I was usually happy just to get nappies. Over time the particular feel and sound of the nappy has become more important and cloth nappies and plastic pants are now preferred over disposables, perhaps because they are triggering memories from babyhood.

Exposure

• Most of it was interaction with other AB/DL's and babyfurs, and being exposed to their interests made me become aware of my own. As well as meeting my boyfriend who plays my daddy. Being diapered by him, and under his control definitely played a large role in increasing my interest of how diapers feel, which diapers I like to wear, and how I want to be treated while in the cub (baby) role.
• As I get older, I am exposed to more. Variety is the spice of life.
• Originally, my focus was on diapers alone. I was not interested in other AB/DL items (pacifiers, baby bottles, onesies, bibs). I believe my exposure to AB/DL pornography has been the primary influence in making me more receptive to incorporating those elements. The diaper is still, by far, the primary focus.
• For a long time I viewed myself as a DL rather than an AB. About eight years ago (at age 21) I was working in a local hospital ER as a tech. I had been assigned to the pediatric side that night and when I went in to a room to prepare a five year old (male) patient for a CT I found his mom changing his diaper. Neither mom or child were embarrassed or concerned by the fact that this five year old was not potty trained despite the fact that both the MD and the charge nurse lectured the mom about the importance of potty training her child. It was at the moment that I became an AB and have since pictured myself as that five year old child.

Getting Older

• I think being babied is more important to me now is that i'm getting older and I'm lonely. Finding someone who will baby me sometimes shows they love me. I still find humiliation more exciting.
• As I have gotten older, the need for sexual release has decreased. I don't masturbate in my diapers as often as I once did.
• The decrease in the importance of sex and diapers is likely hormonal for me. As a young teenager, it was the primary motivator. Now, I find diapers more relational and relaxing than sexual, while still retaining some sexual aspects.
• The sexual desire has been somewhat replaced by the comfort desire as I have gotten older. I think this is a natural change in my body's sex drive.
• Think the decrease of sex might be more age related than anything else. Having an enlarged prostate and not needing to get up in the middle of the night or cutting down on fluids in the evening and making sure you urinate before bedtime is a great help.
• Got kinkier as I got older... ;)
• More freedom to wear when I want. But getting older the sex part has dropped down.The need to relax more now with adult worries has picked-up.
• The main aspect of my interest that has decreased is the importance I attached to sex, and that has decreased. When I first had these urges and feelings, I was just hitting puberty, and felt them in conjunction with sexual desires free of the AB life. Sex was an overwhelming thought in my mind, and as I've gotten older, and had more experience with it, it has not been as major to me. The desire to be treated like a baby, with naptimes, has increased. I attribute this to my growing up, and having to become a part of the adult world, with responsibilities and expectations. Thus, the desire to regress to a point where little is expected of me, and I am mainly there to be comforted and pampered, is very important, as it allows me to let go of some of these responsibilities and expectations.

Habituation/Desensitization

• I think fetishes are similar to drug addictions. Over time drug users develop tolerance. I believe my own interests have slowly increased for similar reasons.
• Experience. Been there, done that. Grew old.
• I don't know. At first, I remember finding it quite unpleasant to change my messy diapers. But, over time, it's like I was desensitized to it. I remember when changing my messy diapers sometimes I would somehow end up with fecal matter on my hands, it would sometimes make me gag. I find I don't mind at all, now. I also used sometimes find the smell to be a bit much even though messing my diaper felt really nice. I find now that the smell of my messy diaper turns me on quite a bit. I think this is possibly due to a combination of desensitization over time and a filtering down from my love of diapers to the things closely associated with diapers.
• The newness of wearing diapers has worn off, so they don't excite me AS MUCH anymore. However, I still feel calm, at peace, in my role as a baby.
• I get used to the fetish and tend to 'experiment' with it more and more as time goes on; 'regressing' more.
• Being controlled has increased because my fantasies have expanded since I began wearing diapers for pleasure. Once I no longer had to fantasize about wearing diapers (because I actually was wearing diapers), my mind began to fantasize about things to do while wearing diapers. The convenience factor has changed because of experience. As I've experienced how convenient it is to wear diapers, I've enjoyed that aspect more. It's so nice to do chores and run errands and travel long distances while diapered.

Incontinence

• Medical reasons. I get nocturia. I usually wear most nights now because I just don't want to wake up to use the restroom.
• Just growing older and more wise in general has led to a realization that I could choose between pining for a relationship I'll never have and the reality that I have incontinence now and treating it as anything other than medical would just make things harder.
• I actively tried to learn to enjoy wearing the diapers that I need to wear. The learning process was gradual over a number of years.
• Well at first I was wearing them for wetting accidents and I hated them. But then over time I grew to like them and finally accepted them. And finally got into the AB scene with it. I figured it I have to wear them I might as well enjoy it.
• I became incontinent, which allowed me to wear diapers all the time.
• As my incontinence has gotten worse, the sex part has become less important.
• I really think that one of my urologists appointments pointed me to my ab feelings. I had a new nurse and she insisted on changing me and I absolutely was embarrassed, yet felt so good. I then started having dreams of being babied and it has grown since then.

Miscellaneous

• For question 50: What's interesting is that my earliest memory of diaper play (around age 7) resulted in extreme pleasure and possibly an orgasm (though I did not fully understand what either was until several years later). For the first few years of intermittent diaper play my interest was primarily in the diaper itself and wetting/messing. The pleasure was a welcome side effect, but it wasn't until I was a teenager that I understood I could intentionally masturbate myself. At that time, my focus was on manual stimulation, fantasizing about women, and eventually the desire to have sex. It was only when the interest in diapers resurfaced at the age of 25 that I incorporated planned masturbation and diapers into a combined activity. For question 52: The interest to be under control of someone else is a current fantasy. This was not something I thought about during diaper play in younger years. As a child there was plenty of control already present in life. As an independent adult, the relative freedom to make choices about lifestyle seems to have made room for the desire to give up some of that discretion in specific circumstances. My particular interest is to be forced into situations where I am desperately fighting the need to wet/mess and must use my diaper, possibly in a public place.
• Because I have been hiding them for so long it is like a forbidden fruit of a sort. But the feel has always been very important to me.
• I think in my immaturity it went from being true ageplay to fetish. The sexual element was very innocent at the beginning, and as puberty hit it became very sexual. This sexuality is what drove my binge-purge cycle, and it became a hazard in my life, both in my walk with Christ and relationally with women. So currently I've found restraint and it's been very healthy and has increased my enjoyment I draw from my AB times. So without the sex, I can still have fun but no longer feel dirty/guilty, and can keep my AB things without feeling like I need to get rid of them. So I guess I've become more reformed and focused as a AB...less distracted by all the other things that snowball out of this.
• Active re-association.
• The deeper my partner and I got into the ab scene the more and more we enjoy. We have been together for almost 5 years and he is now living as a 24/7 baby. I think it is because we can trust each other so much more than when we first met.
• They changed because of all the things I had to go through for wanting to wear diapers. Examples include being placed in cps custody from the ages of 12-18, being homeless, and being placed in an academy for troubled teens. Another reason it has changed while not caused by diapers is my decision to join the army.
• Exploring the AB scene with my girlfriend. She for many years has accepted and actively played along with my diaper fetish. She had in her teenage years explored with girls and the use of binkeys and bottles etc. for fun, never with diapers. She enjoyed the "safety" feeling when wearing diapers with me. She has overtime increased her desire in the AB role play and found cloth diapers, onesies, blankets, bottles, binkeys, etc. very enjoyable, sexually arousing, and exciting. She came into the AB role on her own over time -primarily through exploring websites, and understanding that it's common and largely accepted.

Opportunity

• I'm retired. Also have an enlarged prostate. I have more freedom to wear now.
• Because unlike years ago, I now have access to nappies, allowing me to wear them more often than I used to, so the change could be because I wear them regularly than I used to and I find them more enjoyable to be near them rather than just on special once-per-month occasions.
• I think they changed because It was hard for me to find adult diapers when I first started wearing, now I have the ability to order them through the mail. So I am able to choose the type I like, so it became more important with my ability to obtain them.
• When I was young, the feel and sound of a diaper was very important to me. Now that plastic backed diapers are no longer made, that part of the intrigue has all but died away. Still, in all of my fantasies, the diaper is plastic.

Parenthood

• My AB side decreased vastly after my wife and I began having kids of our own. AB stuff was more of a game we played before the kids came along. However my desire to wear diapers has never subsided. In addition I find wearing a diaper to be much more comfortable than regular underwear and I simply prefer them.
• I feel two factors have influenced the change. First as my child has grown I have found a proportionally lower interest in such things. Second, exposure of this to the family and public has had a profound dampening effect this (however, not suppressed it completely).

Power Exchange

• I just like being at the mercy of someone else,and trust them to change my diaper. There's the trust thing.
• As I grew older and explored D/S, the AB/DL aspect of my life became a way to express my need to be submissive.
• I began being just a diaper lover, then I became TB and years after I began enjoying being under control of someone else and being restrained. Now the mix of all this things is what I love. I think I miss the care that a helpless baby gets.

Puberty

• Before puberty my interest in diapers was mainly for convenience, but the interests became more sexual over time as I developed. I still fantasized about the convenience of diapers, but the sexual aspects became far more important. For the past several years they have both been very important to me, though which one is on top at the moment changes from time to time.
• At the beginning my interest is being a baby was non sexual, as I was only 6. When I reached puberty the interest became sexual, and then in my mid-twenties, non-sexual again. My sexual interests revolve around uniforms/bondage/spanking, with myself as dom and the girl as sub.
• When I first felt an attraction to diapers, I was about three, and obviously puberty hadn't hit yet. I had fragmented fantasies about being in diapers. Now I find women in diapers/wetting diapers more attractive than wearing, although both have a strong sexual relation to me.
• The older I got, the more I liked to act as if I was younger, but paradoxically, I also became very interested in masturbation when I hit puberty.

Sexual Reassignment Surgery

• Post-transition, diapers are much less sexually gratifying - due to the mechanics of clitoral stimulation.
  [This response was from a male to female transsexual.]

Spanking

• I have been bladder incontinent since I was 12. At 13 I discovered romantic spanking fiction and started playing in the scene at parties when I was 15. Only at age 26 did I discover AB as a coping strategy. Getting spanked as an adult by my loving husband is my primary turn-on.
• Not sure, I think the spanking enjoyment came because back when I first started to wet or mess my pants on purpose I was spanked for doing it. As for convenience of diapers, that was first done by my mom on a really long trip to limit the stops we had to make and in case I fell asleep. Now as an adult, I never go on a long drive or to a movie without wearing diapers.

Switching

• I always took pleasure from giving pleasure. Once I gave up on trying to find a daddy, I became one, and found myself extremely happy. I continue to enjoy my own infantile/DL fantasies, while providing the realities for my own AB. The dominant fantasies, however, have grown more central to my sexuality.

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Email BitterGrey Level: Advanced | Status: Finished | Last Update: 9 August 2009

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