Trauma and Exposure Among AB/DLs

-By B. Terrance Grey
Part of the Survey Project at Understanding.Infantilism.Org

Summary

This study contrasts three groups of Adult Babies and/or Diaper Lovers (AB/DLs). The first group remember a desire for diapers and/or babyhood as if they had always had that desire. The second believe that they became AB/DLs as the result of a traumatic event. The third group trace their desires back to exposure to AB/DL-related concepts or adult diapers. These groups included 30%, 2%, and 3% of AB/DLs respectively.

Those who reported believing that their desires were due to a traumatic event differed from those who reported always having had desires, but in subtle ways. They tended to more consistently prefer the role of toddler and to exclude sexual practices while roleplaying. They also were more likely to show indications of having non-elective desires. Individually, they gave plausible explanations about how the trauma caused them to become AB/DLs. Collectively, a generally causal realitionship would probably have resulted in a group that was both larger and more female. That is, these observations do not support the conclusion that trauma generally causes infantilism or diaper fetishes.

Those who reported that their desires developed after exposure to AB/DL stories, websites, etc., or to adult diapers differed dramatically from the other two groups. The 90th percentile age for the start of interests in this group was 35, nearly three times that of other groups. Multiple surveyees reported that their interests started in their 50s. Not surprisingly, they were less likely to show indications of having a non-elective desire. These results support the gradual transition of tastes, as some in this group described in detail, as opposed to the development of new conditions, at least in this group.

These three groups were contrasted in hopes of determining whether the tendency to become an AB/DL was present at birth or caused by some later event. These three groups were expected to present the most clear differences between inate and induced cases, if such existed. The observations clearly show that interests in diapers and/or babyhood can be developed even late in life, especially after exposure. However, the observations do not suggest that it is generally possible to cause paraphilic infantilism or diaper fetishism, even in cases of childhood trauma.

BACKGROUND AND METHOD

A question that sometimes comes up in AB/DL discussions is whether the group's desires are better generalized as innate due to genetics, prenatal hormonal exposure, etc.; or induced by some event after birth. To explore this and other questions, a survey was composed and posted to the internet at the author's website, understanding.infantilism.org. It was announced to a number of email and web-based AB/DL communities.

Among other topics, this survey asked about how the AB/DL first became aware that he or she had an unusual desire towards diapers and/or babyhood. Surveyees were asked to select the best-fitting onset type from a list and to optionally describe what happened. Those who reported believing that a particular event caused their desires were sorted manually based on the type of event that they described. During this sorting, 6 responses were filtered as likely duplicate entries based on the description, leaving 321 responses with the 'event' onset type. Note that unlike in previous studies of the data, the question on self-reported AB-to-DL position was not used to filter for non-AB/DLs.

RESULTS AND DISCUSSION

This study will contrast those who report believing that they have always had a desire for diapers and/or babyhood ('always') with those who claim that their desires were due to some traumatic event ('trauma') or to exposure to AB/DL materials ('exposure'). The size of these groups is shown in Figure #1.

The grouping of 'always' and 'other onset' were based on the multiple-choice question about onset. The option of 'always' was described as "My interests were there before, but at some time I realized that I was different; that others around me didn't share the interest." 30% of AB/DLs selected this option. The option of 'event' was described as "My interests were probably caused by a specific event (stumbling across a reference to AB/DL activities somewhere, getting introduced to it, an incident of emotional trauma, trying a new kink, sexual abuse, etc.)". Five other options were presented, and were selected by by 52% of AB/DLs.

Those who had never been without a desire for diapers or babyhood might typically select 'always' as the onset type: They had always had the desires. However, they might also select other onset types based on their recollections or experiences. For example, if they had remembered experimenting with diapers but not remembering the desire to do so beforehand, they would have selected another option, included in 'other onset.' In contrast, those who believed their desires were due to some event in their lives would have selected 'event.' This too might vary based on recollections or experiences.

The AB/DLs who selected 'event' in the multiple-choice question were then manually sorted based on the optional description. 5% of AB/DLs selected 'event' but did not describe the event.

The events, if described, were sorted into six groups. Those that mentioned a rare trauma, such as sexual abuse, the death of a parent, etc., were grouped under 'trauma.' This group included 2% of AB/DLs. The remainder were grouped as 'divorce, hardship' if the event included a common trauma, such as parental divorce. The separation of rare and common traumas was intended to focus on probable causes. The rare traumas might cause paraphilic infantilism or diaper fetishism, which are rare conditions. If the common traumas caused these conditions, then the conditions would be common as well. Less than 1% of AB/DLs reported a common trauma as the cause of their desires.

An arguably traumatic event, 'diaper punishment,' had its own category. Those in this category described being the subject of the punishment, did not describe intentionally causing the punishment, did not describe other types trauma, and described it as a punishment and as beyond their control. Threats of diaper punishment were not included. 'Diaper punishment' was considered to be the cause of desires by 1% of AB/DLs.

Some of the remainder reported being diapered for an accident or illness, as opposed to a punishment. These were grouped as 'medical.' 1% of AB/DLs considered such an event as the cause of their desires.

Those that didn't fall into any previous category were grouped as 'exposed' if the event they described included the adult use of diapers, being introduced to AB/DL practices by someone, stumbling across stories with AB/DL themes, etc. 3% of AB/DLs were in this group.

The remaining 8% reported believing that their desires were caused by some other event. Examples of other events that were described included playing house, finding an old diaper, and watching a baby get changed.

If the AB/DLs whose desires were innate can be distinguished from those whose desires were induced, then it seems reasonable to expect the contrast to be the most clear between the 'always,' 'trauma,' and 'exposure' groups. 'Always' would most typify the innate desire. The trauma present in the 'trauma' group might arguably induce a paraphilia, but might not provide direction for it. In contrast, 'exposure' would provide direction for the developing interests, but wouldn't be expected to induce a paraphilia.

'Trauma'

A traumatized child might use regression as a defence mechanism. This regression and the unresolved trauma would neatly describe the resulting desires toward diapers and/or babyhood. Regressive behaviours are a common initial response to trauma. (e.g.^[1]). This explanation's intuitiveness and elegance make it popular. However popular the explanation, this group's population isn't large: Only 2% of AB/DLs associate the start of their desires with a traumatic event.

Given the reported cause, it seems reasonable to expect some trends in the 'trauma' group. First, they would tend to be female, at least relative to other groups of AB/DLs. Depending on the type of trauma, the survivors might be equally male or female, or more likely to be female. For example, in the general population, 11 to 40% of women report having experienced sexual abuse at some time in their childhood, while only 5 to 10% of men do (with one survey reporting 3%).^[2][3]

Second, they would be more likely to show indications of paraphilia, or some other driving condition. That is, they would be more likely to show behaviors present only in non-elective AB/DLs, such as unsuccessful attempts at quitting, binge-purge behaviors, etc. These indicators would show a driving condition, although not necessarily paraphilic infantilism. Furthermore, not everyone with a driving condition would show these indicators: For example, someone who never tried to quit would not have a history of failed quitting attempts.

Thirdly, they would focus more on roleplay, and less on sexuality. Sexual practices might be actively shunned in pursuit of the innocent, infantile ideal.

Fourth and finally, they would be restricted to a specific onset age range. This trend would be present whether the desires were induced or innate. Other conditions induced by abuse have been shown to be more likely if the trauma occurs at a young age (e.g. borderline personality disorder and posttraumatic stress disorder^[4]). Alternatively, if the abuse were merely coincident with an inate condition, then it would need to occur before the AB/DL became aware that the desires were already present.

That is, the expected trend among 'trauma' AB/DLs is to be more likely to be female, to be less elective, to engage in roleplay and regression but possibly not sexual practices, and to have an early age of onset.

The descriptions given by surveyees of the trauma usually included some association with diapers or babyhood. This could provide direction to the mechanism driven by the trauma. On the other hand, it might also be the reason that a coincidental event was associated with their desires.

In some, babyhood was sought as an escape. One boy, writing about when he was 11, put it simply. "Sexual abuse. I started to 'regress' to forget what had happened to me, and started to 'feel' like a baby." A girl wrote about when she was five: "[I] was sexually abused. [My] two-tear-old sister in crib in [the] room with me [was] never hurt...thus I wanted to be her."

In at least one case, the association was more tangible. "My father inserted a wire hanger into my penis and caused nerve damage causing me to be incontinent for life barring surgery." This boy, who reported being one at the time of the event, was pragmatic: "Diapers for medical reasons...AB to make diapers kinda fun."

Sometimes, the regression was triggered by the death of a parent. A boy writes about when he was eight: "My mother died. [I] lost bladder control at night times, [and] father nappied/diapered me at bedtime."

Notably, these AB/DLs were conscious of the associations between the trauma and their desires. This is a drawback to the survey process, since the surveyee would be reporting a conscious association. The defence mechanism would have found direction on an unconscious level. The two might be the same, but also might not.

'Exposure'

In contrast to the unconscious defence mechanisms and alternate diagnoses that might be involved with the 'trauma' group, the 'exposure' group is expected to be straightforward and simple: For example, a man sees AB/DL pornography, likes it, and decides to get more involved. Even with growth of easy access to diverse pornography over the Internet, only 3% of AB/DLs associate the development of their desires with exposure to AB/DL materials or to adults using diapers.

There have been attempts to experimentally cause paraphilias through exposure and conditioning.^[5][6] While these were successful in erotisizing neutral objects, they didn't cause a compulsive condition, such as a paraphilia.

Based on the reported cause, a few trends can be expected. First, the 'exposure' AB/DLs would tend to be more elective: Fewer would have attempted to quit and failed, fewer would have binged-and-purged, etc. Second, the onset age of 'exposure' AB/DLs would be more variable, since it involves a change in tastes, not the development of deeper conditions. Third, there would be an emphasis on sexuality, possibly at the cost of roleplay or regression.

Some in the 'exposure' group gave clear, short descriptions. A man wrote about when he was 24: "I was playing the game named 'Second Life' where adult was in diapers." Another man wrote "I read a fictional story on a gay sex story website about young men dressing up and playing in diapers and having sex. This excited me. I searched for more and more stories, then found the websites. Then met AB/DLs." He reported being forty at the time. A longer, but equally clear description is given by a man who details an eleven year progression from cause to effect.

Actually the first reference I remember pertaining to AB/DL play was on an episode of "The Flinstones." Fred was in charge of Movie Night at the Waterbuffalo Lodge. Apparently the other men at the lodge were used to watching cheesecake or porn (as it was hinted). One character asks Fred "What will she be wearing?"
Fred replies, "Well a diaper and a bonnet."
The other says, "I didn't know women would do that sort of thing!"
I believe I was nine when I first saw that episode. Sometime ago when I was 20 I remembered the episode. A quick internet search later and I found out about infantilism and anaclitism.

Of course, the adult use of diapers isn't unique to AB/DLs. Exposure to adult diapers might also serve as a gateway. "I came into contact with adult diapers when my Mom went into a nursing home. I tried on a diaper, thinking it would be convenient for masturbation. Then I looked the matter up online and discovered the idea of adult babies. [I] found that attractive; it connected with some part of me... My connection further grew as a result of 2001 terrorist attacks and complete disgust for adulthood. It really is a long and more complicated story." This man's progression reportedly started at age 53.

Populations

The distribution of sex and gender among the three types is plotted in Figure #2. To permit a legible scale for other options, the columns for non-transgendered male are not shown.

The 'trauma' group did have a higher percentage of women than 'always.' (12% vs. 4%., p=.04). However, this falls far short of the balance or female majority expected.

The 'exposed' type was significantly more likely to be female than 'always.' (18% vs 4%, p < .001). As discussed in one of the author's previous studies, this population includes girlfriends being introduced to AB/DL practices by their AB/DL boyfriends^[7].

The onset age ranges for the three types are plotted in Figure #3. The onset age is the age at which an AB/DL becomes aware that they have desires towards diapers and/or babyhood, and that these desires aren't common. The 10th to 90th percentile ranges are shown.

'Always' has onset ages ranging from four to fourteen years. That is, just after infancy to the early teens. During infancy, a desire for diapers or babyhood wouldn't be noticed. By the early teens, most who have long had such desires would have realized that they had them and that others did not.

'Trauma' has an age range that ends a year earlier, 13. The similarity was expected and inconclusive. A common mechanism or biologic window that affects both 'trauma' and 'always' groups can't be ruled out.

In contrast, the age range for 'exposed' is markedly different. It is elongated by roughly a factor of 3. It starts at age 11, before which children might have been well-protected from exposure to the various paraphilias. Some younger AB/DLs associated their desires with exposure to diaper adds on TV, or to peers who wore diapers because of some need. These exposures wouldn't run contrary to the stigma that diapers were for babies. As a result, they would have been sorted as 'other event' instead of 'exposure.' The 90th percentile for 'exposed' was thirty-five years of age.

Overall, the sex, gender, and age distributions show a clear differences between the 'always' and 'exposed' groups, consistent with expectations based on the reported cause. The expected differences in effects suggest the presence of a difference in causes.

Election

Based on the reported causes, a substantial difference in election is expected. Those who developed AB/DL desires after exposure would have neen most aware about what they were doing. In contrast, those reacting to a trauma would have the least control over their situation. At their young age, they would lack the insight and information about paraphilias, usually withheld from them until they are older. Those who considered their desires ever-present - 'always' - would be expected to be somewhere in between, maybe having less control than those exploring a new kink, but more than those who experienced trauma.

Figure # 4 plots three experiential indicators of a driving condition among AB/DLs. "Criterion B" is a guideline used by the American Psychiatric Association to differentiate those with a condition driving a desire for diapers or babyhood from those who just have an interest^[8]. It assumes that those who would still have these desires even after they cause significant distress or impairment are driven to have them by some condition. Those interested in diapers just for fun or comfort would discard them once they became unpleasant or difficult. This indicator isn't exact.

Similarly, having struggled against one's desires but not having succeeded in quitting, suggests that there is a driving mechanism. Another indication is the binge-purge cycle. That is, the cyclic purging of AB/DL paraphernalia in an attempt to stop, followed by a binge, which is in turn followed by another round of purging.

As expected, a high percentage of those in the 'trauma' group met Criterion B and had attempted quitting behaviors (Relative to Always: Criterion B 65% vs 43%, p = .01; Struggling 81% vs 55%, p =.005; Purging 81% vs 57%, p=.007). Also, not surprisingly, meeting Criterion B and quitting behaviors were less common among the 'exposed' type (Relative to Always: Criterion B 31% vs 43%, p = .07; Struggling 40% vs 55%, p =.03; Purging 46% vs 58%, p=.08). Overall, these trends are in the expected direction.

There was one data point that did not follow expected trends. In addition to the three experiential indicators, the survey asked about two expectational indicators. One of these was the belief that all or most people could learn to enjoy diapers or babyhood as much as the surveyee did, or 'opt-in.' The 'exposed' group wasn't significantly more likely than the 'always' group to believe that others could 'opt-in.' (13% vs 14%, p=.4).

Roleplay

The prefered role during roleplay is plotted in Figure #5. Relative to 'always' AB/DLs, 'trauma' AB/DLs more consistently prefered the role of toddler. (58% vs. 40%, p=.03) They were also more likely to report regressing into a younger headspace sometimes but not always (Relative to 'always,' 58% vs 28%, p <.001).

Figure #5 - roleplay role

It is worth noting that in the survey, 'regression' refered to the AB/DL practice of assuming a younger headspace. It involves trying to think like a baby, as opposed to just acting like one. Typically, this is a conscious act with a marked begining and end. This is in contrast to the defence mechanism of regression, which is subconscious.

It might be interesting to note that 'Trauma' didn't simply trend towards younger role ages or some 'total babyhood.' They weren't more likely than 'always' to prefer the role of newborn (8% vs 11%, p=.3). They also weren't more likely than 'always' to report regressing often (12% vs 21%, p=.1). Finally, 'trauma' wasn't more likely to report enjoying messing sometimes or always (44% vs 51%, p=.3).

In contrast, 'exposed' AB/DLs did trend towards preferring the older roles. For example, they were more likely to prefer an adult or caregiver role than 'always' AB/DLs (20% vs 6%, p <.001). The 'exposure' type came the closest of the three groups to not having 'toddler' as it's mode. However, they were still more likely to prefer toddler than other roles. Contrary to expectations, the 'exposed' AB/DLs were more likley to roleplay than 'always' AB/DLs. (No roleplay; 4% vs 11%, p=.08) However, they were more often without a prefered role. (13% vs 7%, p=.06) Finally, they were less likely to report enjoying wetting (84% vs 93%, p<.001).

'Trauma' AB/DLs trend towards toddlerhood and 'exposed' AB/DLs trended toward not having a prefered role. However, these were both matters of degree. The three groups had overlapping role preference and shared the same mode for prefered role; toddler.

Sexuality

Similar to the roleplay data, the data on the importance and presence of sexuality during AB/DL games, scenes and fantasies showed both similarities and differences.

In terms of importance, the mode for all three groups was to be neutral on the importance of sex, considering it neither important or objectionable. However, the 'trauma' group was more likely to have a negative view of sexuality during AB/DL games, scenes, and fantasies than the 'always' group (35% vs 20%, p=.04) The 'exposure' group was less likely, but not significantly so. (13% vs 20%, p=.13)

In terms of practice, the differences are more clear. The distribution is plotted in Figure #6. Compared to 'always', the 'trauma' group was more likely to exclude sexuality when roleplaying or regressed. (36% vs 15%, p=.003) In contrast, the 'exposed' group was more likely than 'always' to not restrict sexual practices during AB/DL games, scenes and fantasies. (52% vs 36%, p=.01)

Again, the differences between the groups were matters of degree.

Conclusion

Trauma as a cause of paraphilic infantilism

The majority of surveyees who associated their desires for diapers and babyhood with an event, and who described that event as traumatic, also reported meeting Criterion B. That is, they had suffered significant distress or impairment because of their desires. As a result, they could be diagnosed with paraphilic infantilism. The remainder might still have paraphilic infantilism, but be without the distress or impairment used to distinguish the paraphilia from a mere interest.

Given a trend toward rolelay as a toddler, without sex during roleplay, paraphilic infantilism seems a better fit than diaper fetishism.

The 'trauma' group generally described an event that would both drive a defence mechanism, and launch it in a direction that would result in desires for diapers or babyhood. Individually, this seems a reasonable argument of causality. That is, it seems reasonable to conclude that the surveyee's experience might have caused their interest in diapers or babyhood.

Collectively, the data doesn't support the conclusion that trauma generally causes paraphilic infantilism. Given that 11 to 40% of women and 5 to 10% of men report having experienced sexual abuse at some time in their childhood, and given that 9% of AB/DLs are women^[7], then 5% to 12% of AB/DLs would report having been exposed to sexual abuse during their childhood by mere chance. For the men, The survey result of 2% is below the expected range, and includes other causes of rare trauma. Were there a causal relationship, the percentage of AB/DLs reporting rare traumas would be expected to be greater than the percentage expected due to coincidence. Thus, while trauma is known to cause a number of other conditions, the data suggests that it does not generally cause paraphilic infantilism.

Exposure as a cause of paraphilic infantilism

The majority of surveyees who associated the start of their desires to exposure to AB/DL material or adult diapers reported neither the distress nor impairment necessary to meet Criterion B. That is, most in the group wouldn't be diagnosed with paraphilic infantilism or diaper fetishism. Not meeting Criterion B, and the dramatic age difference between the 'exposure' group and those more typical of paraphilic infantilism, such as 'always,' suggests that this group does not generally have a paraphilia or other condition. They have an interest in diapers and/or babyhood, of course, but generally lack the driving desire.

'Trauma' and 'exposure' as AB/DLs

AB/DLs, as a demographic, are loosely defined by an interest. As a result, it does include those who associate their desires towards diapers and/or babyhood with either trauma or exposure. These two groups are atypical, representing 2% and 3% of AB/DLs, respectively. These are two more examples of how the AB/DL community is made up of specific groups with distinctive backgrounds and dovetailing interests, as opposed to a homogeneous population that can be defined by any 'typical' AB/DL.

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Books and Other References: American Psychological Association Understanding Child Sexual Abuse, retrieved from http://www.apa.org/releases/sexabuse/effects.html on 16 March 2009. David Finkelhor (summer/fall 1994). Current Information on the Scope and Nature of Child Sexual Abuse (PDF). The Future of Children (1994) 4(2): 31-53. Bagley, C, King K. (1990). Child Sexual Abuse. New York, NY: Tavistock/Routledge. pg 76-77 McLean L M, Gallop R (2003) Implications of Childhood Sexual Abuse for Adult Borderline Personality Disorder and Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PDF) Am J Psychiatry 160:369-371 Rachman S, Hodgson R J(1968) Experimentally-induced sexual fetishism: Replication and development. Psychological Record, 18, 25-27 Hoffmann H, Janssen E, Turner S L(2004) Classical Conditioning of Sexual Arousal in Women and Men: Effects of Varying Awareness and Biological Relevance of the Conditioned Stimulus. Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 33, No. 1, February 2004, pp. 43-53 Grey B T Girls, Boys, and Diapers Retrieved 16 March 2009 from http://understanding.infantilism.org/surveys/girls_boys_and_diapers.php Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text-Revised. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric Association, 2000, pp 572-573.

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