This is an archive of how the article appeared in 2006. The current version is here.

What is Infantilism?

-By BitterGrey

There is a group of deep urges that involve a central theme: diapers or babyhood. Formally, these urges are known by the terms paraphilic infantilism and diaper fetishes. Informally, someone who has infantilism is called an Adult Baby (AB), and someone who has a diaper fetish is called a Diaper Lover (DL). The combined acronym is used loosely to refer to the group of urges (AB/DL) as well as those who have them (ABDLs, or individually, an AB/DL). Infantilism generally involves wearing diapers, and may include related actives as well, such as sleeping with stuffed animals.

A disproportionately high number of ABDLs are men. As would be expected, most are heterosexual, but some are homosexual or bisexual. Typically, between the ages of five and fifteen, an infantilist realizes that he has a strong desire that most people do not share. These desires are specific and focused. Infantilism, like masochism and rubber fetishes, are paraphilias. Generally, these desires are hidden, kept as a dark secret. He may think that only he, out of all humanity, is like this. He may fear disgrace and ridicule as a "pervert."

Contrasting Infantilism and Diaper Fetishes

At any given moment, ABDLs can be divided into two groups. The line division between these groups can be as narrow as differences between a nurturing pat from a heated fondle. At a particular time, some ABDLs will want to cuddle with mommy, assuming the role of the baby. Others will want a sexual encounter with their spouse, retaining the role of grown-up lover. This division generally affects three things: 1) the focus, 2) the roles played in fantasy or in scenes with an ideal partner, and 3) the level of sexuality in ABDL play.

Diaper fetishes are the easiest to describe. They are a fetish, a sexual attraction to diapers or other infantile objects. In it, the diapers themselves serve as a sexual focus. Someone with a diaper fetish is commonly called a Diaper Lover. Diapers lovers might also include those who have a rubber fetish or plastic fetish, who might skip the diapers and focus on the rubber or plastic waterproof pants. The diaper lover's idealized partner would be an erotic lover. If their actual partner is willing, diapers might be incorporated into their sexual relationship. The DL might prefer to wear the diaper, to have his partner wear the diaper, or for both to wear diapers. The presence of diapers may lend itself to roleplay such as doctor-patient or nurse-patient, however, diaper fetishes don't inherently involve roleplay.

Paraphilic infantilism is not as easy to describe. (It is often called infantilism, for short.) Infantilism is not a fetish. Fetishes focus on a sexually charged object. Infantilism focuses on the self-image of the adult baby. The adult baby has an alternate self-image of a baby. This is similar to a transvestite, except that instead of engaging a female alter-ego every now and then, infantilists engage an infantile alter-ego. Adult Babies cannot physically become infants, but try to simulate infancy. This may include the use of adult-sized diapers and baby clothing, toys, baby oils and powders, etc. An adult baby will generally desire to play the role of an infant or toddler. If his partner is willing, she will play the mommy (or he will play the daddy). When roleplaying, the adult baby would try to achieve a baby-like mood or mindset. As a result, sex during roleplay would seem incestuous. The adult baby and partner may have an ordinary sexual relationship at other times, but not while engaged in infantilistic play. As would be expected, the baby wears the diapers.

Unlike those with a diaper fetish, infantilists are generally masochistic. Masochism is a desire be deprived of status, comfort, or control. Individual infantilists will fall into one of three sets, based on how their masochism is expressed. The first set is simply infantile. Assuming the role of baby inherently involves surrendering control. In some cases, this may be stretched into an early childhood role to include spanking or scolding. The second set has a conventional masochism that they practice when they aren't engaged in baby play. They might be in diapers one evening, and in leather or chains the next evening. The third set integrates conventional masochism into infantilism in a single scene. This might involve mixing baby items with bondage and discipline that would be abusive if used on a real baby. The hard restraints bring a tangible sense of powerlessness but tend to corrupt any sense of nurturing. Because of this, the practices of the third set are incompatible with the other two sets of adult babies.

While the division between infantilism and diaper fetishes is clear at a particular moment, ABDLs might practice both. They can only engage in one or the other at any given time. Many ABDLs describe themselves as "mostly AB" or "mostly DL", based on which they engage in more.

Does it involve Children?

While these urges involve infantile themes, they differ from Pedophilia. Pedophilia is a compulsion to treat children as sexual objects. Unlike pedophilia, ABDL play does not involve actual children. It takes place between consenting adults. In it's strictest sense, AB/DL also does not involve sexual acts with adults pretending to be children. The ABDL community does not condone involving actual children in infantilistic, fetishistic, or other age-inappropriate acts.

What do Infantilists Do?

There is a wide range of ABDL fantasies and practices. Most of them involve diapers, but some do not. You can read about one of the author's favorite weekends in "Visiting with My More Cuddly Side." However, this is just one weekend, and can't be considered typical. There isn't a typical ABDL fantasy or practice. However, their are some common elements. Common fantasy elements include coercion, identification, regression, and exhibitionism. It has been theorized that there might be a tight relationship between the emphases of an infantilist's fantasy and the underlying mechanism. This theory used cars as a metaphor. What infantilists actually do is more grounded in reality. Some common elements of practice include coming out, wetting or messing, wearing diapers under clothes, binge purge cycles, etc.

Is Infantilism Safe?

Infantilism is not directly harmful. Biologically, it may be the safest sex around. However, there are indirect psychological and social dangers. "Paraphilia" and "infantilism" aren't part of the common vocabulary. The common word is "pervert." So infantilists often grow up thinking of themselves as perverts. Often, they think that they are the only ones that are so far from "normal." This drives some to social isolation, and despair. These are the dangers associated with infantilism, but they are not directly caused by it. The guilt and isolation can be shed. There are also social risks. For example, a wife may be angry that her husband's infantilism was hidden from her, or concerned that he loves diapers more than her. At the workplace, the disgrace of infantilism could end a career. These indirect dangers are a result of how infantilism is handled, both by our culture, and by ourselves.

Are there Other "Infantilisms"?

Yes, paraphilic infantilism' is usually shortened to 'infantilism,' but this isn't entirely correct. Infantilism may also mean 'lacking development.' For example, mental retardation is a case of mental infantilism, but not paraphilic infantilism. Mental retardation involves never having achieved average capacity and maturity. In contrast, paraphilic infantilism involves people of average mental capacity and maturity, who set their maturity aside at times. Regression is a similarly broad term. Adult babies regress, but those who regress aren't necessarily ABs.

Is Everyone who wears a Diaper an AB/DL?

The presence of the desire, not just the activity, is what defines infantilism and diaper fetishes. Those who need diapers for medical reasons might be ABDLs, but probably aren't. While they may wear and use diapers, they aren't necessarily doing it to express an alternate self-image or indulge a fetish. This also applies to astronauts, divers, sadomasochists, and children playing house. Finally, there are some who start wearing diapers as a new kink.

There are many that wear diapers but aren't paraphilic infantilists or diaper fetishists in the strictest sense. Their motivations and underlying mechanisms are different. However, those who share AB/DL interests and practices are generally welcome in the communities, and may sometimes be counted as ABDLs.

Email BitterGrey Level: General | Status: Finished | Last Update: 26 March 2006| First:

Snuggies4me pointed out a necessary clarification: A good number of DLs arent submissive, so we we cant generalize that most DLs are masochistic, like we can with ABs. However, there is also a good number of DLs who are submissive. Thanks Snuggies4me!

	For More Detail: The history of the term Paraphilic Infantilism
	For a Second Opinion: "What is Infantilism" by Tom Lee Essay on Paraphilic Infantilism includes accounts from a number of sources. It may have been composed by Bob G. A Review of Psychosexual Infantilism in Adults: The Eroticization of Regression by Thomas John Speaker by William A. Henkin at sexuality.org.
	Related Topics: Wikipedias article on paraphilic infantilism
	Books and Other References: Diagnostic &; Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IIIR, IV), pg 286 (IIIR) or pg 529 (IV), (This reference gives only one sentence on infantilism, under the heading of masochism. However, this reference is common enough to have re-defined infantilism to its modern meaning and led to a widespread acknowledgment that it exists.) Wilhelm Stekel, Patterns of Psychosexual Infantilism," Washington Square Press, (This book uses the broader, Freudian definition of infantilism. This includes, among other things, bestiality, masturbation, and sadism. It is still a useful resource once this distinction is made.) Nancy Friday, Men in Love; Mens Sexual Fantasies, Delacorate Press, c. 1980, pgs 169-172, 186-190. (Includes three letters of infantilists, of with one is a fetishist, and the remaining two urophiliacs. It also includes some commentary.) Allen, Clifford, " A Textbook of Psychosexual Disorders ", pgs 289-291, (Although there is a three-page section titled "infantosexual transvestism," only the first paragraph directly relates to infantilism.) Roy F. Baumeister, Masochism and Self, Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, pgs 82, 159, 220. (Describes baby humiliations briefly, and also referred to age play, includes statistics from a letter survey on sadomasochistic practices.) William B. Arndt, Jr., Gender Disorders and the Paraphilias , pgs 394-396, (Brief, but still one of the better references.) Hirschfeld, Magnus, M.D. "Sexual Anomalies -the origens, nature, and treatment of sexual disorders" pgs 72-85, Emerson Books, c. 1948 Brenda Love, Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, New York: Barricade Books, 1992.  Sections are available on LilJennies Infantilism Page.