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Starting Your Own ABDL Munch

By BabyMichael
I am seeing a lot of people planning munches and parties on the list lately. I am really happy to see this. Meeting others who share your interests is one of the fastest ways to come to accept your interests as normal and OK and really start to enjoy it without any of the guilt you may associate with it now.

In response to these announcements, may people write and say "I wish there was a munch in .... that I could attend." To this, I say "Start a munch in your area!"  Starting a munch isn't hard... especially if you know there are others in your area who share your interests.


  1. Start by looking at other munch announcements, see when and where they are generally scheduled, note what rules for attendance they employ.
  2. Find the big groups where people with these interests in your area are likely to hang out online. AB_DL@yahoogroups.com and BBIF are probably the two biggest, but be sure to look for groups focused on your state or city. Search the web, some groups are web based and not affiliated with Yahoo or any large company.
  3. Think about your area, is it in/near a major city? Try to select an area that is central to other larger cities and areas. If you know of others in your area, try to pick somewhere central to all of you.
  4. Look in the area you selected for restaurants that might be suitable for a munch. Things to look for are:
  5. Pick a date and time. Think about how it might be affected (both in attendance to your munch, but also in crowds at the restaurant or traffic on the highways getting there) by holidays, church, sporting events, festivals, normal meal rushes, etc.
  6. Pick something people can use to identify you at the restaurant.  Something generic but easy to spot... a specific t-shirt, a small stuffed animal, a book, etc.
  7. Write up your munch announcement and send it to all the groups you identified. Don't spam every group you subscribe to, major ones and location specific ones are best. Send the announcement at least 1 week before but not more than 2 weeks before or people will forget.  Be sure to include all the necessary details:
  8. Send out a reminder 48 hrs before the munch. Usually just resend the announcement adding "REMINDER" to the subject and a short note at the top of the msg.
  9. Arrive at the restaurant on time or slightly before. Be sure to bring your identifying object. Select a seating location that is as isolated as possible but don't worry if others sit nearby (it happens) just keep conversation low and on other topics if necessary. Be sure to stay for the entire time you scheduled the munch,
  10. regardless if no one shows up. Bring a book or an AB friend to pass the time. Keep an eye out for anyone who appears to be looking for someone, make eye contact and make sure they can see the identifying object in case it's you they are looking for.

Hold munches as often as the community will support... not so often that they will figure they can always go next time, but not so far apart that people miss out on the chance if they can't make it that one time.


Once you have a regular group you can plan other events... start small, pick a local science museum or other location that you don't mind attending. Using the applicable steps above, pick a time and place and a way to identify you. Announce that you will be in a specific place there (lobby/cafe/gift shop) for 30 min or so to meet up, then you will be visiting the attractions. If people come, they come, if not you go it alone this time. It can be really stressful worrying if people will show up or not, esp for something scheduled like a movie or show. I suggest picking something that you want to do anyway, and expect you will be doing it alone, and if others join you, great!


Parties are a step beyond events. I have hosted a few at my home. In general I would wait until you know your local ABs well enough that you can pretty much know that a few will come. Usually these are the ones you know best, ones you have developed friendships with beyond the munches. Pick a time you know works for them and plan the party assuming it will be you and them. In my experience I tend to go overboard anyway, so there is likely to be food and activities for more if more show up, and if there isn't, well, ordering a pizza or running to the store for drinks isn't all that difficult. The important thing is, like the events, not to plan for and have your expectations set at a huge turnout and be let down. Better to aim low and be surprised. I've never hosted a party at a location other than my home so others who have can give tips on that. I have a rule that you must have attended a munch before getting on the invite list for parties. This is in case I meet someone whom I really wouldn't feel comfortable with in my home. Hasn't happened yet, but it's a good thing to have met someone before telling them where you live.

My munches actually work this way as well. I don't announce the specific location in the announcement and require people to contact me for the location. This is nice since I know how many people are interested and may be attending and adds a level of security for those attending since the time/location isn't available to anyone.  Others simply announce the location and are equally successful. It's up to you what to do for your events and munches.


- Updated:20 March 2011     

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