-By B. Terrance Grey
Part of the
Survey Project at
Understanding.Infantilism.Org
This study was intended to explore the quantifiable factors of an AB/DL's childhood, primarily family size and birth order. It was hoped that these would shed some light on factors that are not consistently remembered, such as haste or difficulty in potty training.
Some AB/DL attribute their desires to having been the "baby of the family." For no family size was an AB/DL significantly more likely to report being the youngest, except for only children. However, the role of "baby of the family" might be reinforced when playing house: AB/DLs were more likely to report having only older sisters than only older brothers.
Other AB/DLs attribute their desires to their position as the older sibling, displaced by the new baby. The effects of displacement appear to depend on how thinly spread parental attention was. AB/DLs raised in families with three children were least likely to report being the middle child, as opposed to the oldest or youngest. AB/DLs raised in families of four or more were most likely to report being the second oldest child than oldest, second youngest, or youngest.
Having a large number of younger siblings increased the likelihood of an AB/DL taking on parental duties, such as changing diapers. Additionally, the spacing between an AB/DL and the next younger sibling tended to decrease as the number of younger siblings increased. This tight spacing might have motivated the parents to push for early potty training. These explanations for the development of desires towards diapers and/or babyhood in large families needs to be interpreted with the knowledge that the most overrepresented family size is the smallest.
Three possibilities were given for this. It is possible that the indications surveyed did not have a strong correlation with early childhood experiences. It is also possible that an AB/DL's desire to replace or relive parts of his or her infancy is based on relative perceptions. Finally, it is also possible that experiences and perceptions might influence the development of infantilism and diaper fetishism, but do not cause them.
While this study presented the distribution of birthorder among AB/DLs, further research is necessary for a more complete picture of the effects of familial factors.
When discussing the backgrounds of individual infantilists and diaper lovers, two narratives are common; that of the displaced older sibling, that of "the baby of the family."
The older sibling is, in many ways, defined by the displacement by one or more younger siblings. This displacement might be most influential on firstborns, who previously were only children. The parents might try to love every child equally, but the new arrivals will demand the bulk of their time and attention. The remainder might be divided among the older siblings, who might have to compete for it. The older siblings might be expected to be more responsible and more mature based on their relative ages, not their actual ages. Additionally, to avoid having multiple children in diapers, the parents might rush the older sibling's potty training. The older sibling also might have to take on some parental duties, possibly including changing the diapers of much younger siblings. For older siblings, diapers and/or babyhood might come to symbolize the attention and privilege they lost when they were displaced as the baby of the family.
In contrast, a younger sibling might remain cast as the "baby of the family." This identity might be reinforced by siblings or parents. The youngest might not be as motivated to develop, since all the 'firsts' will have been already done by older siblings. Hand-me-downs that would go to the next baby might stay with them. They might stay in a crib longer, since it isn't needed for a younger sibling. The younger sibling might be more accommodated and more coddled, based on his or her relative age, not his or her actual age. For younger siblings, diapers and/or babyhood might come to symbolize their role as "baby of the family."
All siblings would generally have forgotten their own infancy, so the firsthand reality of diapers and babyhood would have been lost[1][2]. However, the older siblings might be able to replace it secondhand, by observing their younger siblings. These experiences, and the expectations based on relative age, would be yet another factor differentiating older and younger siblings. The younger sibling's move towards becoming an AB/DL would involve acceptance, while that of the older sibling would involve rejection or transition.
Many factors prevent direct study of an AB/DL's childhood. For example, AB/DLs might not remember when they were potty trained, much less if they were physically and emotionally ready for it. Similarly, it is difficult to objectively quantify one's own mother as smothering or distant. This limits the testability of many theories on how upbringing and family relations affect paraphilic infantilism or diaper fetishism.
Given the difficulty in exploring potty training, maternal attention, etc., this study will focus on objective metrics such as birth order and family size. To learn more about the effects birth order and family size on AB/DLs, the author composed a sixty-four question survey. This survey was composed and posted to the internet at the author's website, understanding.infantilism.org. It was announced to a number of email and web-based AB/DL communities.
This survey included questions on siblings, with a particular interest in the next younger sibling. Four questions quantified the number of older and younger brothers and sisters. Options from 'zero' to 'five or more' were offered for each. There were also two on multiple births, and two on adoption or foster care. An essay question, on the effects a surveyee's siblings are thought to have had, was also asked.
The survey responses were filtered to remove duplicates. Some responses were partial. These were included in the analysis if the questions being analyzed were complete.
The results included here will be for AB/DLs only: While it would be interesting to contrast AB/DLs and non-AB/DLs, few non-AB/DLs completed the survey.
Figure #1 shows the distribution of the number of siblings reported by AB/DLs, compared to expectations based on US Census data[3]. The US data was weighted by birthyear, as family sizes are decreasing. The data is for mothers largely after the end of childbearing years (40-44). Since the median for childbearing was around 25-29 years of age, the data was offset by the fifteen-year difference.
When compared the the general US population, only children are overrepresented among the AB/DLs (12.1% vs 8.0%, p<.001) and families with three children are underrepresented (23.9% vs 28.4%, p<.001). The overrepresentation of families with two children and the underrepresentation of four or more was not statistically significant (36.3% vs 34.3%, p=.09 for 2, 27.7% vs 29.3%, p=.1 for 4 or more).
Anecdotally, paraphilias are associated with white males. If a non-Hispanic white population is considered, large families would shift from slightly underrepresented to significantly overrepresented (families with four or more children, 27.7% vs. 24.3%, p=.04)[4][5][6][7]. Only children would still be significantly overrepresented (12.1% vs 8.5%, p=.003). This adjustment would also increase the underrepresentation of families with three children. One explanation for this underrepresentation is shown in figure #2.
Figure #2 shows the probably of a sibling reporting being an AB/DL, relative to the firstborn of the family. For families with two children, the probability of either reporting being an AB/DL is about equal (given two siblings, 49.5% older vs 50.5% younger, p=.4). This suggests a relative balance between the sibling envy of the oldest and the "baby of the family" role in the youngest.
For families of three children, this balance shifts, with the AB/DL more likely to report being the youngest, but not significantly so (given three siblings, 39.3% younger vs. 36.0% older, p=.2). The AB/DL is least likely to report being the middle child of three (given three siblings, 24.7% middle vs. 36.0% older, p=.002). If the probability of the middle sibling was equal to the average of the other two, the underrepresentation of families with three children would become insignificant (27.1% vs 28.4%, p=.2). The underrepresentation of families with three children might be largely due to the underrepresentation of the middle child of the three. This underrepresentation might be due to the absence of both "baby of the family" status and the experience of having been displaced from only-child status.
For large families, figure #2 can be obscure because it averages all the middle children together. For families of four or larger, figure #3 shows the distribution of AB/DLs who reported one of four birth ordinals. 19.9% of AB/DLs in large families were in an ordinal not shown, such as the third of five, the third or fourth of six, etc. Given this, since each of the four ordinals shown occur only once in a family, 20.0% of AB/DLs from large families would be expected to report each order if birth order didn't have an effect.
In contrast to small families, AB/DLs from large families were more likely to report being a middle child, specifically the second oldest (24.7% for second oldest vs 18.5% average for the other three ordinals, p=.03). The other three weren't significantly different from their own average (20.2%, p=.3 for oldest, 17.1%, p=.3 for 2nd youngest, 18.0%, p=.4 for the youngest.)
Larger families also place more pressure on the older siblings to mature quickly. Two indications of this pressure are plotted in figure #4. One iication is a sibling born within two years of the AB/DL. This creates the frequently bemoaned situation of having "two under two". A desire not to have multiple children in diapers might lead to rushing the older child's potty training. One man summarized "three younger siblings all one year apart so lots of pressure to get me out of diapers." Another man comments "I was pushed to be toilet trained at 18 months and when my brother came along I was very jealous of the attention he was getting, especially when his diapers and plastic pants were being changed." He reported having one younger sister and four younger brothers.
While this pressure would be expected to be more common in large families, it was not unique to them. One made wrote about his only sibling, a sister. "When she was born, it made my parents rush potty training me, trying to get it over with quicker than most parents would, so they would not have two kids in diapers. So I feel that the potty training was done quickly, carelessly, and selfishly."
Spacing is also one possible explanation for why the second-borns of four or more are more likely than their siblings to become AB/DLs. They would never have had the only-child focus, might be the older of two-under-two, and then later possibly have to compete for attention with three others, includng two-under-two.
Also shown in figure #4 is the distribution of AB/DLs who were left responsible to change diapers before the age of 16. These responsibilities may have been for a much younger sibling or as part of a babysitting job. Unless rewarded with babysitting pay, they might be yet another reason to be envious of younger and less-burdened siblings. In addition to delineating the contrast between responsible 'adult' and carefree baby, these duties would ensure that diapers were present and accessible.
These duties didn't universally fuel envy. One man with seven or more younger siblings commented "I was the oldest so I liked looking after those in diapers."
Two intuitive explanations for why AB/DLs might come from large families, spacing and inattention, are explored. Large families tend to have a tighter spacing, so potty training might be rushed to avoid having multiple children in diapers at the same time. Additionally, the attention of parents would be thinly divided among the children of large families. Care for the younger siblings would be delegated to the older siblings. However, that large families are not dramatically overrepresented suggests that the effect of these factors is limited, or comparable to other factors. One possible factor not covered in the survey is how soon after birth was the mother's profession: A housewife with six children might have more attention to give to each than a woman with a career away from the home and one child in daycare.
It might simply be that a child's desire to relive infancy is influenced by the perception that infancy was better than the child's life now. This perception might be remarkably subjective, swayed more by optimisim, nostalgia, and covetousness than reality.
In addition to birth order, the gender of siblings might play a role. If an AB/DL's older siblings were all of the same sex, they were more likely girls than boys (53.2% vs 46.8%, p=.03). This might be due to big sisters playing house. A man with one older sister wrote "my older sister used to diaper me whenever we played house [and] even paraded me around the house in just a diaper." He had two younger siblings. An incontinent AB/DL without brothers reported that "With two older sisters I was always in diapers and dresses due to the fact that I was their living doll to play with in the absence of parents. Dad [was] gone due to [the] military and mom [was] working long hours." One woman, the third of four girls, wrote 'my sisters would make me be the baby when playing house, and would put me in my younger sister's diapers and rubber or plastic pants."
Playing house wasn't exclusive to those with older sisters. One man recalled "my earliest recollections of wanting to role play were with the kids next door and playing house. I was about 5 or 6 and always wanted to be the baby. I think it had to do with the fact that I have a younger brother, and he got all the attention that I used to get once he was born." He was the oldest of two.
In contrast, if the AB/DL's younger siblings were all the same gender, they will be more likely to be all boys than all girls (54.2 vs 45.8, p=.007). The connection is unclear. One man, the oldest of four boys, mentioned "I wet the bed and all of my younger brothers made it very difficult for me." One man commented of his younger, only brother "My brother wore disposable diapers for bed wetting. I always wanted to wear one too but was never allowed."
The effect of familial insecurity can be shown by the prevalence of foster care and adoption. 7.9% of AB/DLs reported having been adopted or placed in foster care, and 5.8% reported having one or more siblings that were. Since the AB/DLs had an average of two siblings, converting the second percentage from 'per AB/DL' to 'per sibling' might result in a value as low as 2.9%. Since the survey didn't ask the number of siblings that were adopted or placed in foster care, the exact value on this range is unknown. Even with more conservative value, AB/DLs were significantly more likely than their siblings to have been adopted or placed into foster care (7.9% vs 5.8%, p=.02).
Foster children might be the most elegant narrative of how one's childhood might lead to a desire not to only relive one's infancy, but to replace one's infancy. Ideally, they would be leaving a bad home for a better one. In this better home, they might have had a better infancy, or at least develop the perception that it would have been better.
As shown in figure #5, the quantity and distribution of siblings affected the importance of control and babyhood. The horizontal axis shows the number of older and younger siblings. Superficially, oldest to youngest: The oldest sibling would be represented on the extreme left of the plot, and the youngest on the extreme right. All AB/DLs would be represented on both the left and the right. For example, an only child's data would be included as both oldest and youngest. On the vertical axis, the percentage of AB/DLs that reported considering that aspect 'important' or 'very important' is shown.
Starting with from the left, the importance of control and babyhood increase from the firstborn to the second (38.3% vs. 47.4% for control, p=.005; 40.0% vs. 51.4% for babyhood, p=.001). After the second, the importance of control appears to level off while the importance of babyhood appears to decrease. However, these features aren't statistically significant due to the limited number of AB/DLs who reported this number of younger siblings (47.4% for 1 vs. 45.3% for 2+ for control, p=.3, 50.8% for 1-2 vs. 43.5% for 3+ for babyhood, p=.1).
Moving to the right, the reported importance of babyhood decreases as the separation from "the baby of the family" increases (46.7% for 0-1 vs. 40.9% for 2+, p=.05). The importance of control also decreases between the youngest and second youngest (47.0% vs. 38.2%, p=.007). The rebound in the importance of control is dramatic but not statistically significant (37.8% for 1-2 vs. 45.3% for 3+, p=.07).
According to US census data, after adjusting for birthyear, 2.0% of births were multiples[8]. Since these were almost all twins, they resulted in 4.0% of the population Based on this, twins and triplets are underrepresented among AB/DLs (2.6% vs. 4.0%, p=.005). This might be due to their tendency to be on the younger end of large families. Twin AB/DLs were more likely to report having two or more older siblings, excluding their twins, than non-twin AB/DLs (42.3% vs. 22.8%, p=.01). They were, however, not more significantly likely to have two or more younger siblings (15.4% vs. 19.6%, p=.4) or a gap of one or two years between siblings (32.1% vs. 29.2%, p=.4).
After being instructed in the survey not to include their own multiple birth in later questions, 20 AB/DLs reported that their next younger siblings were from a multiple birth, and 609 AB/DLs reported one or more younger siblings. Nominally, this gives an overrepresentation of following multiple births (3.6% vs. 2.0%, p=.01). However the correlation of the two answers suggests that the survey was unclear. It is possible that some surveyees may have included their own multiple birth in the question about following multiple births, or excluded following multiple births from the questions on the number of younger siblings.
The survey attempted to explore some early childhood factors, such as parental attention and rushed potty training, using less subjective indications, such as birth order and family size. The results showed that AB/DLs come from every family size, and from every birth order. The distributions suggest that some combinations were more likely to become AB/DLs than others, but the extent of these trends was limited.
The trends for small families were different than those for large families. An AB/DL from a family of three children was least likely to report being the middle child. AB/DLs from families of three or less weren't significantly more likely to report being the oldest than the youngest. This suggests that the effects of "the baby of the family" and 'displaced once-only child' narratives are nearly balanced in small families.
For families of four or more children, the results suggest the reverse. An AB/DL raised in a family of four or more children was most likely to report being the second oldest. With increasing family size, parental care for younger siblings was increasingly delegated to older siblings, resulting in a different family dynamic.
In addition to birth order, examples of major transitions and common household games were also shown to have an influence. AB/DLs were more likely to have been adopted or placed in a foster home than their siblings. AB/DLs were also more likely to have had all older sisters instead of all older brothers, possibly reinforcing the younger sibling's role as baby when "playing house."
The results, overall, suggest that one's childhood did have an effect. For most factors surveyed, these effects were limited. It is possible that the indications surveyed did not have a strong correlation with early childhood experiences. For example, a working woman with a career may have less time for her one child than a housewife with six has for each of her children. It is also possible that an AB/DL's desire to replace or relive parts of his or her infancy is based on relative perceptions. For example, a bad childhood would only fuel a desire to relive infancy if it was paired with optimism, nostalgia, or covetousness. Otherwise, there would be the expectation that infancy would be equally bad. Finally, it is also possible that experiences and perceptions might influence the development of infantilism and diaper fetishism, but do not cause them.
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