Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers

It is common to summarize the interests and preferences of an ABDL as being somewhere between two points: 'adult baby' and 'diaper lover.' The line dividing between these groups can be as narrow as differences between a nurturing pat from a heated fondle. At any given time, one ABDL might want to cuddle with mommy, assuming the role of the baby, while another ABDL will want a sexual encounter with their spouse, retaining the role of grown-up lover. This division generally affects three things: 1) the focus, 2) the roles played in fantasy or in scenes with an ideal partner, and 3) the level of sexuality in ABDL play.

Diaper fetishes are the easiest to describe. They are a fetish, a sexual attraction to diapers or other infantile objects. In them, the diapers themselves serve as a sexual focus. Someone with a diaper fetish is commonly called a Diaper Lover. Diapers lovers might also include those who have related fetishes. These might enjoy the plastic pants, rubber panties, or latex sheeting associated with babyhood and the nursery. They might or might not be interested being usably - diapered adults. The diaper lover's idealized partner would be an erotic lover. If their actual partner is willing, diapers might be incorporated into their sexual relationship. It might be diaper lover, his partner wear, or both that wears diapers, plastic pants, etc. The presence of diapers, etc. may lend itself to roleplay such as doctor-patient or nurse-patient, however, diaper fetishes don't necessarily involve roleplay.

Paraphilic infantilism is not as easy to describe. (It is often called infantilism, for short.) Infantilism is not a fetish. Fetishes focus on a sexually charged object. Infantilism focuses on the self-image of the adult baby. The adult baby has an alternate self-image of a toddler or infant. This is similar to a transvestite, except that instead of engaging a female alter-ego every now and then, infantilists engage an infantile alter-ego. Adult babies cannot physically become infants, but try to simulate infancy. This may include the use of adult-sized diapers and baby clothing, toys, baby oils and powders, etc. An adult baby will generally desire to play the role of an infant or toddler. If his partner is willing, she will play the mommy (or he will play the daddy). When roleplaying, the adult baby might try to achieve a baby-like mood or mindset. As a result, sex during roleplay might seem incestuous. The adult baby and partner might have an ordinary sexual relationship at other times, but not while engaged in infantilistic play. As would be expected, the adult baby wears the diapers.

Unlike those with a diaper fetish, infantilists are generally masochistic. Masochism is a desire to be deprived of status, comfort, or control. Individual infantilists will fall into one of three sets, based on how their masochism is expressed. The first set is simply infantile. Assuming the role of baby inherently involves surrendering control. In some cases, this may be stretched into an early childhood role to include scolding. The second set has a conventional masochism that they practice when they aren't engaged in baby play. They might be in diapers one evening, and in leather or chains the next evening. The third set integrates conventional masochism into infantilism in a single scene. This might involve mixing baby items with bondage and discipline that would be abusive if used on a real baby. The hard restraints bring a tangible sense of powerlessness but tend to corrupt any sense of nurturing. Because of this, the practices of the third set are incompatible with the other two sets of adult babies.

While the division between adult baby and diaper lover fantasies might be clear at a particular moment, an individual ABDL might engage in both. However, they can only engage in one or the other at any given time. An ABDL might describe himself as "mostly AB" or "mostly DL", based on which they engage in more. In effect, this would be their average position on the continuum. Depending on their tastes and practices, they might balance individual momments around this average, or change from one position to another around it.

One difficulty with the two-point, adult baby to diaper lover spectrum is that some adult babies want to be pampered (pun intended), while others might prefer firm diaper punishment. The first type of adult baby will embrace the status of baby, as an expression of who he is. The second type will enjoy being deprived of his adult status, as a demonstration that he can't exert control. The contrast is similar that of a transvestite and man forced to crossdress: One is driven by an internal role, while the other is driven by an external lack of control. Dividing these two results in three-point continua, such as the ABDL triangle.

Last Update:20 March 2011  First:26 March 2006   Email BitterGrey   

Do you have Questions, Tips, Suggestions, or other feedback?